Hour of Weakness

I don't know what's wrong with me, but it seems I'm intent on sabotaging every attempt I make at losing weight.

Today it started with low-sugar Eskimo Pie ice cream bars. They're delicious - vanilla ice cream covered in dark chocolate. They're also 13 grams of carbs each.

I had one this morning, then I had several grams of carbs in my dinner (leftover sausage with orange peppers in spicy tomato sauce, and not enough of it). That should have been the end of my carbs for the day, but I just wasn't satisfied.

I had another ice cream, trying to rationalize that going over by a few grams wouldn't kill me. Then, and completely without thinking, I had another. What the hell? I can't even understand how or when that happened. There were suddenly two popsicle sticks in front of me.

So then I thought that if I'd blown it, I should do an hour of carbs (I seriously think this is just an excuse for screwing up a low-carb diet, but I keep putting off researching it). I had liverwurst on a Wasa flatbread. I had monterey jack cheese melted on Wheat Thins. I even had a few scrapes out of an old jar of Nutella. To cap it off, I had yet another ice cream bar. Argh.

I'm ashamed to admit I was tempted to order pizza or go out for fast food or even walk to a bodega and buy cookies, thinking it was too bad we didn't have more desirable carby treats around the apartment. Thankfully I stopped myself before it got even worse, but it feels lousy to have let myself get so out of control. I was even thinking "It's only another week or two before I leave for the summer, I should just give up Atkins now and enjoy myself." Sigh.

When am I going to change?