After months of hovering around 180, I think the diet is finally working somehow.
Last Monday after weeks of going off the diet, I weighed 180.5, and I promised myself I would seriously stick to the diet this week, that I wouldn't skip meals or half-ass or decide around Wednesday that it wasn't working and order Chinese.
Today I weighed in at 176.5, a new low. It also means I've lost 25.5 pounds since beginning this endeavor way back when. Not as much as I'd like, but hey, I'll take it.
Perhaps something finally clicked with my metabolism. Perhaps it's all that water. Perhaps it was simply sticking on the damn diet for once.
Whatever it is, I'll take it, and I'm encouraged to do more to feel this way again.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Excuses
I'm realizing lately how easy it is to make excuses for myself and how frequently I allow abominable behaviors on the flimsiest of justifications (rationalizations).
For the past week, I've had a really awful cold which may have developed into bronchitis. I gave myself instant permission not only to go off the diet completely, but to pig out to ridiculous extents. I haven't wanted to cook, of course, so I've been ordering in all kinds of awful meals and treating myself to cookies, ice cream, and whatever I want, mentally whining "But I don't feel well!"
I realize that what I really need to get better is a healthy diet, plenty of water, and exercise. I remember from sports training in high school (forever ago) that it's okay to exercise as long as congestion is in one's head, but it's important to take it easy when it's in the chest. Considering I bust into a burning, wheezing coughing fit if I run up stairs too quickly, I'd say odds of me making it through an aerobic workout right now are slim to none.
Still, I could be doing weight training or even just mild things like going for walks. Instead I've been lazing under the covers pouting and continuing on in a miserable state.
Being sick is one thing, and I am not being completely insane, in that I realize I truly do need to rest and take it easy until I'm better. The thing is, it's really given me the opportunity to reappraise how I spend my other, non-sick days. And those are the places where making excuses has become not only dangerous, but ridiculous.
Since this semester is already a pretty crazy busy and stressful one, I've concluded that I will not "get to the gym" if I don't specifically schedule times during the week to do so. I have plenty of times when I could squeeze in a workout or even a class, but I've avoided sitting down and creating a schedule for myself for over a month now. It seems I've always got something "more pressing" to attend to, be it schoolwork I've left to the last minute (which I do legitimately have to prioritize) or something incredibly important like napping, watching TV, reading a magazine, or knitting. My lack of focus and procrastination is clearly having a negative impact on my life and health, yet somehow I allow myself to use the fact that I'm behind on things or disorganized as an excuse to continue on this path and let it get worse.
Even I know how stupid and self-defeating this is.
So I took a look at my gym's group exercise plan. This is the new gym location that, incidentally, I've been to all of once since transferring my membership. My first responses to all of the classes were "Oooh that looks fun," but that was quickly preempted for "Oh I can't make that time or that one or the other," based on interference with classes. Instead of focusing on the times I can go (including Saturday and Sunday morning yoga & pilates classes), I realize I started making excuses for myself, saying it wouldn't really be that fun anyway and I'd probably be really self-conscious and embarrassed to work out in a group. The litany of excuses I started making to convince myself I didn't really want to go in the first place was absolutely absurd, and I'm ashamed of myself that I let such trivial things get in the way.
The worst part is that at the end of the day, once I've given myself permission to go off the diet, slack off on exercise, not drink water, or whatever else I don't want to do, it's not like I actually gain anything (except more weight). The result of all of these choices is that I will continue to be fat and unhealthy. Then I think about the ways this inhibits my life, wrecks my confidence, affects my relationships, and makes every day a little harder and more unpleasant than it needs to be, and I wonder how the hell anything could be worth all this nonsense. How is protecting my ego or succumbing to laziness ever going to feel as good as taking action and improving my life?
I've put off making a gym schedule some more by taking the time to beat myself up for making excuses. My excuse for this? "At least I'm becoming more aware of what I do..."
Argh, I really need to change things.
For the past week, I've had a really awful cold which may have developed into bronchitis. I gave myself instant permission not only to go off the diet completely, but to pig out to ridiculous extents. I haven't wanted to cook, of course, so I've been ordering in all kinds of awful meals and treating myself to cookies, ice cream, and whatever I want, mentally whining "But I don't feel well!"
I realize that what I really need to get better is a healthy diet, plenty of water, and exercise. I remember from sports training in high school (forever ago) that it's okay to exercise as long as congestion is in one's head, but it's important to take it easy when it's in the chest. Considering I bust into a burning, wheezing coughing fit if I run up stairs too quickly, I'd say odds of me making it through an aerobic workout right now are slim to none.
Still, I could be doing weight training or even just mild things like going for walks. Instead I've been lazing under the covers pouting and continuing on in a miserable state.
Being sick is one thing, and I am not being completely insane, in that I realize I truly do need to rest and take it easy until I'm better. The thing is, it's really given me the opportunity to reappraise how I spend my other, non-sick days. And those are the places where making excuses has become not only dangerous, but ridiculous.
Since this semester is already a pretty crazy busy and stressful one, I've concluded that I will not "get to the gym" if I don't specifically schedule times during the week to do so. I have plenty of times when I could squeeze in a workout or even a class, but I've avoided sitting down and creating a schedule for myself for over a month now. It seems I've always got something "more pressing" to attend to, be it schoolwork I've left to the last minute (which I do legitimately have to prioritize) or something incredibly important like napping, watching TV, reading a magazine, or knitting. My lack of focus and procrastination is clearly having a negative impact on my life and health, yet somehow I allow myself to use the fact that I'm behind on things or disorganized as an excuse to continue on this path and let it get worse.
Even I know how stupid and self-defeating this is.
So I took a look at my gym's group exercise plan. This is the new gym location that, incidentally, I've been to all of once since transferring my membership. My first responses to all of the classes were "Oooh that looks fun," but that was quickly preempted for "Oh I can't make that time or that one or the other," based on interference with classes. Instead of focusing on the times I can go (including Saturday and Sunday morning yoga & pilates classes), I realize I started making excuses for myself, saying it wouldn't really be that fun anyway and I'd probably be really self-conscious and embarrassed to work out in a group. The litany of excuses I started making to convince myself I didn't really want to go in the first place was absolutely absurd, and I'm ashamed of myself that I let such trivial things get in the way.
The worst part is that at the end of the day, once I've given myself permission to go off the diet, slack off on exercise, not drink water, or whatever else I don't want to do, it's not like I actually gain anything (except more weight). The result of all of these choices is that I will continue to be fat and unhealthy. Then I think about the ways this inhibits my life, wrecks my confidence, affects my relationships, and makes every day a little harder and more unpleasant than it needs to be, and I wonder how the hell anything could be worth all this nonsense. How is protecting my ego or succumbing to laziness ever going to feel as good as taking action and improving my life?
I've put off making a gym schedule some more by taking the time to beat myself up for making excuses. My excuse for this? "At least I'm becoming more aware of what I do..."
Argh, I really need to change things.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Frustration
So I've been on the Nutrisystem diet more than a month, and I've cheated more times than I think I ever did when I was on e-diets. I'm becoming discouraged at my lack of willpower, as well as the fact that I can barely stand the food anymore.
To be fair, I may have griped a lot about e-diets, but at least a lot of the food tasted okay. Many of the Nutrisystem dishes are heavily sauced, have funny flavors, and make me wish I'd eaten something blander. Fortunately, when I make selections for my next shipment, I'll know what to steer clear of and which dishes I should order in bulk.
I've started a new semester at school, which presents plenty of challenges, particularly that I have to come back to the apartment to eat and I frequently feel hungry during the day.
Most of all, I did break 180, but barely. My weight vacillates now between 179-181 no matter what I do. I need to regroup, get motivated, and do something (like exercise) to get this project moving again.
Frankly I've been on a diet most of this year and I'm getting tired of it, so I want to make some progress soon!
To be fair, I may have griped a lot about e-diets, but at least a lot of the food tasted okay. Many of the Nutrisystem dishes are heavily sauced, have funny flavors, and make me wish I'd eaten something blander. Fortunately, when I make selections for my next shipment, I'll know what to steer clear of and which dishes I should order in bulk.
I've started a new semester at school, which presents plenty of challenges, particularly that I have to come back to the apartment to eat and I frequently feel hungry during the day.
Most of all, I did break 180, but barely. My weight vacillates now between 179-181 no matter what I do. I need to regroup, get motivated, and do something (like exercise) to get this project moving again.
Frankly I've been on a diet most of this year and I'm getting tired of it, so I want to make some progress soon!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Fat Anxiety
Yesterday I had to attend a meeting where I would be getting to know a bunch of new students. Since I already have pretty major social anxiety, I was nervous going in. As I was getting ready, all I could think about was what clothes I could possibly wear that wouldn't make me look like the obese person I am.
It's not that I really believe I own clothing that could camoflage something as obvious as how overweight I am, but I didn't want to accentuate the fat, and everything I put on seemed to make it worse.
As I changed again and again, I was getting panicky instead of just anxious and had to stop and calm down several times, to the point where I was a few minutes late to my meeting. All I could think about was the bulge of fat where my underwear were tight at the waist. I was holding my breath as I walked to the meeting, and I realized that was not helping to alleviate how anxious and upset I was.
In some kind of incredible universal irony, a guy leaned out his window and cat-called right when I was feeling my most vulnerable and unattractive. Instead of thinking that maybe I'd put together a decent outfit after all, my self-talk became even more antsy, and I thought my body must be really obvious in this shirt, that guy must like big women, etc. It didn't occur to me that maybe I looked good.
As I was sitting in the meeting, my attention was not really on the speaker, so much as keeping my purse strategically in front of my midsection. I knew the roll was visible from the side, so I had my arm pinned around it, clutching at my bag. For someone so anxious about making a good impression, I didn't think about how I looked paranoid, antisocial, and withdrawn. I just didn't want people to look at my side fat.
When it came time to introduce myself, I spoke quickly and practically incoherently, trying to divert attention away from myself as much as possible. Usually in these types of circumstances I would crack a joke or say something cheeky instead of sincerely telling about myself and giving people an opportunity to know me. I don't even remember what I said this time because I was just thinking about my purse shifting and people seeing my stomach fat through a light-colored shirt.
By the end of the meeting my armpits were sweaty from clenching my arms so close to my body to try to mask it. I raced out of the room and tried to avoid having to talk to anyone - all I wanted to do was get somewhere private and check that my clothes hadn't warped into something even more unflattering.
This is just another time when being fat completely obstructs my concept of reality and prevents normal human interaction. Instead of standing out and being the colorful and interesting person I am, I became a shy fat girl trying to blend in with the furniture or disappear.
I'm tired of being that girl, and I'm tired of panicking because I can see a line around my waist where I wrinkled my shirt over the top of my too-tight underwear. Being overweight is making me so much more self-conscious than anyone should be, not just about appearance but about my whole self, and the kind of anxiety that creates is nothing short of crippling.
It's not that I really believe I own clothing that could camoflage something as obvious as how overweight I am, but I didn't want to accentuate the fat, and everything I put on seemed to make it worse.
As I changed again and again, I was getting panicky instead of just anxious and had to stop and calm down several times, to the point where I was a few minutes late to my meeting. All I could think about was the bulge of fat where my underwear were tight at the waist. I was holding my breath as I walked to the meeting, and I realized that was not helping to alleviate how anxious and upset I was.
In some kind of incredible universal irony, a guy leaned out his window and cat-called right when I was feeling my most vulnerable and unattractive. Instead of thinking that maybe I'd put together a decent outfit after all, my self-talk became even more antsy, and I thought my body must be really obvious in this shirt, that guy must like big women, etc. It didn't occur to me that maybe I looked good.
As I was sitting in the meeting, my attention was not really on the speaker, so much as keeping my purse strategically in front of my midsection. I knew the roll was visible from the side, so I had my arm pinned around it, clutching at my bag. For someone so anxious about making a good impression, I didn't think about how I looked paranoid, antisocial, and withdrawn. I just didn't want people to look at my side fat.
When it came time to introduce myself, I spoke quickly and practically incoherently, trying to divert attention away from myself as much as possible. Usually in these types of circumstances I would crack a joke or say something cheeky instead of sincerely telling about myself and giving people an opportunity to know me. I don't even remember what I said this time because I was just thinking about my purse shifting and people seeing my stomach fat through a light-colored shirt.
By the end of the meeting my armpits were sweaty from clenching my arms so close to my body to try to mask it. I raced out of the room and tried to avoid having to talk to anyone - all I wanted to do was get somewhere private and check that my clothes hadn't warped into something even more unflattering.
This is just another time when being fat completely obstructs my concept of reality and prevents normal human interaction. Instead of standing out and being the colorful and interesting person I am, I became a shy fat girl trying to blend in with the furniture or disappear.
I'm tired of being that girl, and I'm tired of panicking because I can see a line around my waist where I wrinkled my shirt over the top of my too-tight underwear. Being overweight is making me so much more self-conscious than anyone should be, not just about appearance but about my whole self, and the kind of anxiety that creates is nothing short of crippling.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Much better eating
After yesterday's disappointing choices, I wanted to eat really good food today. I didn't have my first meal until almost 6:00 in the evening (a really really bad habit of mine), so I was starving by the time I ate it.
On top of that, I was watching TV, and I kept seeing a blitz of commercials for Dominos - they were offering free brownie bites with hot fudge dipping sauce when you ordered any large pizza. Despite living in a city full of amazing food, my weakest spot is for Dominos pizza, so this commercial was driving me absolutely crazy. I was SO tempted to go off my diet and pig out, especially seeing as I'm not making any progress (I don't think my body will go below 180 if I don't start exercising).
Breakfast
I went to the store to pick up more fruit and yogurt but found the produce section offering little besides those awful flavorless strawberries (the store on the corner is still renovating, so I think they're deliberately keeping their stock low). I went with canned fruit instead and found these peaches divine. I also realized that I kept putting off the plainer fruit varieties of yogurt, so I picked up the kinds I really liked instead. I mean yogurt's yogurt, right? I'm so glad I made that decision, as now the yogurt is a reward instead of something I have to eat. And the maple vanilla was just fantastic.
Lunch
This meal was perfection. The noodles were another one of those Cup Noodles-style containers, but unlike the disappointing fettuccini alfredo, these came out exactly how I wanted. They were actually spicy, with an interesting flavor and perfect texture - I was so happy. The yogurt was as close as I've ever had to dulce de leche ice cream (one of my other biggest temptors), so of course I was ecstatic.
Snack
I continued staving off cravings from those evil Dominos commercials (I even stopped watching the show I was watching because they kept airing at every break on that channel) - this time I told myself that cottage cheese was just as good as gooey mozzarella. Of course it wasn't, but it did taste good. I loved the peaches again, but I couldn't even pretend I would have preferred those to the brownie bites.
Dinner
The obvious choice would have been to have the pizza meal for dinner, but I knew it wasn't going to be as good as real pizza, so I opted for some delicious lasagna instead. It had great sauce and good meaty flavor, but not as much cheese as I would have liked. Inexplicably, there were also beans mixed in. The spinach I could understand, but beans in lasagna is just weird.
I ate the peanuts earlier as my fat serving, and those were wonderful. I was so happy to be eating something "normal" that I ordinarily liked.
Dessert
Obviously I was still thinking about those brownies, so I dove into the desserts box and came up with a small, heavenly-smelling cake. It reminded me of a brownie in its shape and smell, and even though the flavor wasn't perfect, it was pretty damn good. I was proud of myself for resisting the constant urges to blow off the diet and gorge on pizza and brownie bites, but I can't promise I won't do it at some point when I really need a treat.
Though I vastly prefer this diet to the previous one, I am getting a little tired of dieting overall, as I've been doing it for six months now. I need to develop an addictive love of exercise so that I can start making some damn progress and be able to indulge more in the foods I really enjoy.
On top of that, I was watching TV, and I kept seeing a blitz of commercials for Dominos - they were offering free brownie bites with hot fudge dipping sauce when you ordered any large pizza. Despite living in a city full of amazing food, my weakest spot is for Dominos pizza, so this commercial was driving me absolutely crazy. I was SO tempted to go off my diet and pig out, especially seeing as I'm not making any progress (I don't think my body will go below 180 if I don't start exercising).
Breakfast
- chocolate crisp cereal with skim milk
- sliced peaches
- Stonyfield Farms maple vanilla yogurt
I went to the store to pick up more fruit and yogurt but found the produce section offering little besides those awful flavorless strawberries (the store on the corner is still renovating, so I think they're deliberately keeping their stock low). I went with canned fruit instead and found these peaches divine. I also realized that I kept putting off the plainer fruit varieties of yogurt, so I picked up the kinds I really liked instead. I mean yogurt's yogurt, right? I'm so glad I made that decision, as now the yogurt is a reward instead of something I have to eat. And the maple vanilla was just fantastic.
Lunch
- spicy Oriental noodles with vegetables
- salad with fat-free Italian dressing
- Stonyfield Farms caramel underground yogurt
This meal was perfection. The noodles were another one of those Cup Noodles-style containers, but unlike the disappointing fettuccini alfredo, these came out exactly how I wanted. They were actually spicy, with an interesting flavor and perfect texture - I was so happy. The yogurt was as close as I've ever had to dulce de leche ice cream (one of my other biggest temptors), so of course I was ecstatic.
Snack
- sliced peaches
- low-fat cottage cheese
I continued staving off cravings from those evil Dominos commercials (I even stopped watching the show I was watching because they kept airing at every break on that channel) - this time I told myself that cottage cheese was just as good as gooey mozzarella. Of course it wasn't, but it did taste good. I loved the peaches again, but I couldn't even pretend I would have preferred those to the brownie bites.
Dinner
- lasagna with meat sauce
- peas & carrots
- sliced peaches
- roasted peanuts
The obvious choice would have been to have the pizza meal for dinner, but I knew it wasn't going to be as good as real pizza, so I opted for some delicious lasagna instead. It had great sauce and good meaty flavor, but not as much cheese as I would have liked. Inexplicably, there were also beans mixed in. The spinach I could understand, but beans in lasagna is just weird.
I ate the peanuts earlier as my fat serving, and those were wonderful. I was so happy to be eating something "normal" that I ordinarily liked.
Dessert
- chocolate fudge cake
Obviously I was still thinking about those brownies, so I dove into the desserts box and came up with a small, heavenly-smelling cake. It reminded me of a brownie in its shape and smell, and even though the flavor wasn't perfect, it was pretty damn good. I was proud of myself for resisting the constant urges to blow off the diet and gorge on pizza and brownie bites, but I can't promise I won't do it at some point when I really need a treat.
Though I vastly prefer this diet to the previous one, I am getting a little tired of dieting overall, as I've been doing it for six months now. I need to develop an addictive love of exercise so that I can start making some damn progress and be able to indulge more in the foods I really enjoy.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
A day of funny flavors
I started taking a new birth control pill, and I think it's contributing to my moodiness lately. My breasts are swollen and tender, so maybe it's also causing water retention - I dunno. For some reason this diet has me weigh myself every day, and not only am I not making progress - it seems I'm gaining weight this week. Argh.
Breakfast
I was kind of dissatisfied with the cereal and fruit, so I went for the cheese early on. I also counted it as my fat serving.
Lunch
The tortellini tasted funny to me, but it seemed good enough. The sauce was also a little off, as if it had cheese or some protein mixed in. It was satisfying enough, but not what I'd been looking forward to. I also barely tasted the yogurt.
Snack
Again, I wasn't really in the mood for either of these and found the flavors off. At this point I began to think it wasn't the food - maybe it was me.
Dinner
Ugh. The gravy was overabundant and tasted weird. There was plenty of beef, but it tasted too mushroomy. The broccoli I made tasted freezer-burned. I just didn't enjoy this dinner at all.
Dessert
Finally something good! After so many funky tastes and an admittedly cranky mood all day, I made sure I picked a dessert that couldn't possibly go wrong. The cookies tasted surprisingly similar to Famous Amos mini cookies, which made me very happy.
Breakfast
- bran flakes with skim milk
- 3 prunes
- chunk of aged Vermont Cheddar cheese
I was kind of dissatisfied with the cereal and fruit, so I went for the cheese early on. I also counted it as my fat serving.
Lunch
- cheese tortellini
- salad with fat-free Italian dressing
- Dannon Light n' Fit Creamy French vanilla yogurt
The tortellini tasted funny to me, but it seemed good enough. The sauce was also a little off, as if it had cheese or some protein mixed in. It was satisfying enough, but not what I'd been looking forward to. I also barely tasted the yogurt.
Snack
- 3 prunes
- Dannon Light n' Fit peach yogurt
Again, I wasn't really in the mood for either of these and found the flavors off. At this point I began to think it wasn't the food - maybe it was me.
Dinner
- beef & mushroom gravy with orzo pasta
- steamed broccoli
- 3 prunes
Ugh. The gravy was overabundant and tasted weird. There was plenty of beef, but it tasted too mushroomy. The broccoli I made tasted freezer-burned. I just didn't enjoy this dinner at all.
Dessert
- chocolate chip cookies
Finally something good! After so many funky tastes and an admittedly cranky mood all day, I made sure I picked a dessert that couldn't possibly go wrong. The cookies tasted surprisingly similar to Famous Amos mini cookies, which made me very happy.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
So Far, So Good
As frequently happens with me, if I don't write things down I completely forget them. My recollection of this past week's meals is shady at best, so I've resolved I'll record a little more information than a check mark next to "Breakfast" in my food diary from now on.
Today was day 5 and another good day. I'm finding that even if the meals are a little disappointing, the food I eat with them makes up for it, and I make sure to go with something I know I'll like for the next one.
Breakfast
The cereal was spectacular - it reminded me of Life cereal or similar, with a delicate cinnamon flavor. The baffling thing was that they had other pieces of differently-colored and shaped cereal mixed in with the cinnamon pieces. Perhaps it was for textural interest or to get the right balance of nutrients, but I would have been perfectly happy with a bowlful of those cinnamon ones.
The strawberries I bought earlier in the week and quickly discovered they were flavorless and rather awful. I've been dreading eating them, but as I already finished all the blueberries, I decided they'd be better now than once I've let them get to a questionable freshness. The Splenda almost made them tolerable, but they still tasted quite bad, which is just disappointing.
The blackberry yogurt was delicious, though, and I had it as a midmorning snack. It more than made up for the strawberry debaucle.
Lunch
When I ordered this lunch, I anticipated a creamy and delicious dish, but I was pretty disappointed. It was like the Cup Noodles containers (I have quite a few lunch meals in this type of packaging), to which I added boiling water and let it sit. No matter how long I left it, it didn't seem to absorb enough liquid to make the noodles tender or the sauce as thick as I'd like. The flavors were great, but the texture was closer to a creamy soup than pasta and sauce like I'd expected.
The cheese, of course, remedied my alfredo fix and proved quite satisfying. I also counted this cheese as my fat serving (a tip from my mother).
Snack
I still have another serving of strawberries sitting in the fridge, but I dare not face them. I went with the lazy and quick option of prunes instead. Theoretically, it's all the same, right?
The yogurt was good, but not as decadent as some of their other dessert-themed yogurts I've had (notably the key lime pie and chocolate underground - swoon).
Dinner
This dish more than made up for lunch - it was absolutely delicious. The chicken was perfectly tender and juicy, the sauce was thick and great (and there was tons of it), the pasta was just the right texture - just perfect. I wonder about the amount of sodium or preservatives that go into keeping these dishes safe (you don't need to refrigerate or freeze them at all), but meals like this make me not really care - fantastic!
I even enjoyed the broccoli, which I ate before the chicken. I'm finding it easiest to eat the 2 servings of vegetables I'm supposed to have at the same time, as it's just the difference between preparing 1/2 or 1 whole cup of them. I've been using pre-cut frozen vegetables, but again... I wonder about the nutrition in that. We'll see how it works out I guess.
I really should eat something besides prunes. I'm given the option of salad or fruit, and most of the time, I've been opting for a small fruit rather than have to prepare and consume a salad. Hrmm.
Dessert
This was surprisingly good. I wished that I'd made a cup of tea to dunk it in, but I ate it as I was getting ready for bed, so I didn't want to wait for tea to steep. My grandmother used to make homemade biscotti as treats for our family, and I think I may try to develop a chocolate and macadamia nut biscotti based on this one to send to them now.
One thing I wasn't prepared for after all my grumbling about cooking - I actually miss it. I really enjoy cooking sometimes, especially baking, which is why I thought I would have liked the first recipe-based diet. I think it was the skimpiness of ingredients and questionable flavors which put me off. I will have to develop my recipe repetoire toward more healthy (but still kind of gourmet) things once I am done losing all this weight - that will be fun!
Today was day 5 and another good day. I'm finding that even if the meals are a little disappointing, the food I eat with them makes up for it, and I make sure to go with something I know I'll like for the next one.
Breakfast
- NutriCinnamon Squares with skim milk
- strawberries sprinkled with Splenda
- Dannon Light n' Fit blackberry yogurt
The cereal was spectacular - it reminded me of Life cereal or similar, with a delicate cinnamon flavor. The baffling thing was that they had other pieces of differently-colored and shaped cereal mixed in with the cinnamon pieces. Perhaps it was for textural interest or to get the right balance of nutrients, but I would have been perfectly happy with a bowlful of those cinnamon ones.
The strawberries I bought earlier in the week and quickly discovered they were flavorless and rather awful. I've been dreading eating them, but as I already finished all the blueberries, I decided they'd be better now than once I've let them get to a questionable freshness. The Splenda almost made them tolerable, but they still tasted quite bad, which is just disappointing.
The blackberry yogurt was delicious, though, and I had it as a midmorning snack. It more than made up for the strawberry debaucle.
Lunch
- fettuccini alfredo with mushrooms & vegetables
- Romaine hearts with 2 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
- chunk of aged Vermont Cheddar cheese
When I ordered this lunch, I anticipated a creamy and delicious dish, but I was pretty disappointed. It was like the Cup Noodles containers (I have quite a few lunch meals in this type of packaging), to which I added boiling water and let it sit. No matter how long I left it, it didn't seem to absorb enough liquid to make the noodles tender or the sauce as thick as I'd like. The flavors were great, but the texture was closer to a creamy soup than pasta and sauce like I'd expected.
The cheese, of course, remedied my alfredo fix and proved quite satisfying. I also counted this cheese as my fat serving (a tip from my mother).
Snack
- 3 prunes
- Stonyfield Farms strawberry cheesecake yogurt
I still have another serving of strawberries sitting in the fridge, but I dare not face them. I went with the lazy and quick option of prunes instead. Theoretically, it's all the same, right?
The yogurt was good, but not as decadent as some of their other dessert-themed yogurts I've had (notably the key lime pie and chocolate underground - swoon).
Dinner
- chicken pasta parmesan
- steamed broccoli
- 3 prunes
This dish more than made up for lunch - it was absolutely delicious. The chicken was perfectly tender and juicy, the sauce was thick and great (and there was tons of it), the pasta was just the right texture - just perfect. I wonder about the amount of sodium or preservatives that go into keeping these dishes safe (you don't need to refrigerate or freeze them at all), but meals like this make me not really care - fantastic!
I even enjoyed the broccoli, which I ate before the chicken. I'm finding it easiest to eat the 2 servings of vegetables I'm supposed to have at the same time, as it's just the difference between preparing 1/2 or 1 whole cup of them. I've been using pre-cut frozen vegetables, but again... I wonder about the nutrition in that. We'll see how it works out I guess.
I really should eat something besides prunes. I'm given the option of salad or fruit, and most of the time, I've been opting for a small fruit rather than have to prepare and consume a salad. Hrmm.
Dessert
- Chocolate-Chocolate Chip Biscotti with Macadamia Nuts
This was surprisingly good. I wished that I'd made a cup of tea to dunk it in, but I ate it as I was getting ready for bed, so I didn't want to wait for tea to steep. My grandmother used to make homemade biscotti as treats for our family, and I think I may try to develop a chocolate and macadamia nut biscotti based on this one to send to them now.
One thing I wasn't prepared for after all my grumbling about cooking - I actually miss it. I really enjoy cooking sometimes, especially baking, which is why I thought I would have liked the first recipe-based diet. I think it was the skimpiness of ingredients and questionable flavors which put me off. I will have to develop my recipe repetoire toward more healthy (but still kind of gourmet) things once I am done losing all this weight - that will be fun!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
First Day on the New Diet
My NutriSystem package arrived last night, so I decided I would begin the diet today. I went through the box and checked it against the packing list, then discovered they'd short-shipped me on lunches, which was mildly frustrating.
Otherwise everything looked good, and I was immensely pleased, looking forward to getting a good start.
Breakfast
I spread this out over the beginning of my day, so I didn't find myself hungry at all. I forgot how much I actually love yogurt, and I am enthused to now have a fridge full of it.
Lunch
I realized that the types of foods I'm eating are very similar to e-diets meals, with the major exception being that all I had to do was pop open a container and heat it in the microwave for a minute. The ease of this diet is fantastic, and I found my first hot meal to be quite delicious and satisfying.
Snack
I was stoked that they had a snack on the meal plan in addition to the dessert meal (which is sometimes sweet, sometimes salty). Basically they call for a serving of fruit and a dairy or protein. Now maybe I sound more like 84 than 24, but I really love prunes, so I enjoyed these a lot. The yogurt was a great pick-me-up and, if possible, even tastier than the one I had earlier. Key lime is delicious!
Dinner
Oh man. Fantastic. The dumplings were actually great, and the turkey was tender and flavorful. The sauce was not too heavy and not too much like gravy, so I loved it. I was a little confused about the 2 servings of vegetables with one meal, but it was easy enough to just double the amount of green beans I heated. I have to work my way up to different fruits, given today's prune addiction, but it was about all I had room for anyway. I had been excited to have a teaspoon of peanut butter for my "Fat" serving, but then discovered we didn't have any (whoops), so I went for the walnuts instead and found them surprisingly good.
Dessert
Perhaps I am predictable, but these were far and away my favorite thing I ate today. They're made mostly with protein, but the chocolate flavor is out of this world. I wish I had ordered many more of these because - wow - I would eat them even if they weren't diet food!
I'm exceptionally happy with the way this diet worked out today. I found it was effortless to pop the food in the microwave and chow down. This ease of preparation also made me look forward to meals instead of dread having to get out a skillet and start slaving over the stove.
Something else that's worked out just great - I actually drank the proper amount of water today and then some. This past weekend at Costco I picked up a case of bottled water and a big box of Crystal Light lemonade mix. Keeping a cold pitcher of lemonade in the fridge is just the best treat in August and made me happily guzzle down my recommended fluids (which admittedly, I've always been really bad with). I actually haven't had any Diet Coke all day, which is... sort of miraculous really. Way to go hydration!
I have to go read through the exercise booklet and do the prescribed exercise for today before going to bed. I'm so thrilled they make this a comprehensive program that - I can't say it enough - is SO EASY. I'm confident I will have success this time!
Otherwise everything looked good, and I was immensely pleased, looking forward to getting a good start.
Breakfast
- Cranberry granola bar
- Dannon Light n' Fit Creamy rasberry yogurt
- 3 prunes
I spread this out over the beginning of my day, so I didn't find myself hungry at all. I forgot how much I actually love yogurt, and I am enthused to now have a fridge full of it.
Lunch
- Chicken Stew with Barley
- Romaine hearts with fat-free Italian dressing
- low-fat cottage cheese
I realized that the types of foods I'm eating are very similar to e-diets meals, with the major exception being that all I had to do was pop open a container and heat it in the microwave for a minute. The ease of this diet is fantastic, and I found my first hot meal to be quite delicious and satisfying.
Snack
- 3 prunes
- Stonyfield Farms fat-free key lime yogurt
I was stoked that they had a snack on the meal plan in addition to the dessert meal (which is sometimes sweet, sometimes salty). Basically they call for a serving of fruit and a dairy or protein. Now maybe I sound more like 84 than 24, but I really love prunes, so I enjoyed these a lot. The yogurt was a great pick-me-up and, if possible, even tastier than the one I had earlier. Key lime is delicious!
Dinner
- turkey with dumplings
- 2 servings French-cut green beans
- 3 prunes
- 4 walnut halves
Oh man. Fantastic. The dumplings were actually great, and the turkey was tender and flavorful. The sauce was not too heavy and not too much like gravy, so I loved it. I was a little confused about the 2 servings of vegetables with one meal, but it was easy enough to just double the amount of green beans I heated. I have to work my way up to different fruits, given today's prune addiction, but it was about all I had room for anyway. I had been excited to have a teaspoon of peanut butter for my "Fat" serving, but then discovered we didn't have any (whoops), so I went for the walnuts instead and found them surprisingly good.
Dessert
- NutriCrunch chocolates
Perhaps I am predictable, but these were far and away my favorite thing I ate today. They're made mostly with protein, but the chocolate flavor is out of this world. I wish I had ordered many more of these because - wow - I would eat them even if they weren't diet food!
I'm exceptionally happy with the way this diet worked out today. I found it was effortless to pop the food in the microwave and chow down. This ease of preparation also made me look forward to meals instead of dread having to get out a skillet and start slaving over the stove.
Something else that's worked out just great - I actually drank the proper amount of water today and then some. This past weekend at Costco I picked up a case of bottled water and a big box of Crystal Light lemonade mix. Keeping a cold pitcher of lemonade in the fridge is just the best treat in August and made me happily guzzle down my recommended fluids (which admittedly, I've always been really bad with). I actually haven't had any Diet Coke all day, which is... sort of miraculous really. Way to go hydration!
I have to go read through the exercise booklet and do the prescribed exercise for today before going to bed. I'm so thrilled they make this a comprehensive program that - I can't say it enough - is SO EASY. I'm confident I will have success this time!
What It Means to Be Fat
Aside from worrying about my health and knowing I don't feel as well as I could most of the time, I realize that being overweight seriously does affect me every day in pervasive ways.
Each morning when I wake up, I put off showering as long as I can. I hate facing myself in the mirror and standing naked in the shower, staring down at my body and what I've let it become.
Getting dressed is always a challenge. I have way more clothing than I really need because none of it fits the way I want or looks the way I'd like. I am reluctant to part with any of my clothes, though, because even though I have a closet overstuffed with nothing to wear, it would be completely empty were I to remove everything I don't like wearing.
Instead of thinking of my comfort or the weather, I think about my flaws and how best I can disguise them. By the time I put an outfit together, I feel utterly defeated already, and if I was excited about what I had planned to do for the day, all enthusiasm has evaporated by the time I've dealt with clothing my body.
I am reluctant to go out and be seen in public. I don't like walking around my neighborhood or anywhere anyone might know me and see me looking awful. I won't ride my bike because I know I look repulsive. I avoid activities which are in any way physical or would call attention to my fatness, even those I used to love. I avoid going to the gym even though I realize that's the one place I'm allowed to look fat because it's where I can do something about it. I refuse to use the gym at my school because I'm afraid of being seen by classmates and professors. Instead I go to a gym that's a half-hour away, which makes it more time-consuming and makes me less likely to drive there. It should come as no surprise that I've gone exactly once this summer.
To be perfectly honest, if I get invited somewhere that there will be attractive and thin women (including my friends and family), my first impulse is to say no and try to avoid it. If I accept invitations, I spend the time leading up to events worrying, fretting that I don't have anything flattering to wear, dreading having to see people's reactions to my weight and appearance. More than a few times I've seen old friends give me sad looks which all but shouted "You used to be thin and pretty, but now I can't even remember what you looked like before you got so fat."
I resent my friends and family because I know they compare me unfavorably with other women. I feel guilty and ashamed when people see me with my boyfriend because we all know he deserves someone more attractive who takes better care of herself.
I avoid sex because I hate him touching my fat or seeing my body. I can't relax and let myself enjoy the intimacy or emotional experience because I'm constantly thinking how fat and out of shape I am. Instead of feeling pleasure, I feel disgust because I am reminded of my body and the mess I've made of it. I shy away from physical contact, and I maintain a problematic emotional distance from my boyfriend. I constantly fear he will reject me and I'm terribly afraid of his reactions to my appearance.
He has told me it's been a long while since he's found me physically attractive, and this breaks my heart every day.
I am reluctant to share my opinion or stand out at school because I don't want to call attention to myself. When I do speak up, I get distracted in the midst of discussion because I suddenly worry that my chin is wobbling or that people are looking at my arms when I'm gesticulating. I wish I could disappear most of the time.
I don't even enjoy being by myself. My thighs rub together when I walk and cause uncomfortable chaffing. My breasts and stomach roll over and I feel sick. It's so uncomfortable to wear a bra that the instant I get home I take it off, and I think everyday that I wish I didn't have to wear one.
Being overweight makes me think horribly mean things about myself and destroys my confidence about everything. I doubt my abilities and talents because I can't even control my body, let alone face the things I need to in my life. I think of my personality as weak, flawed, and full of excuses, and I let this carry into every other area of my life. I feel sorry for myself and mope instead of facing my problems.
Since I was twelve years old (if not younger), I've told myself I needed lose weight. My goals always started with "Lose weight" or "Get in shape," even when I was doing varsity sports and clinically underweight. In grade school, I hated myself and focused on thinking I was fat, and the absolute worst experience I could imagine would be my stomach growling during class. My entire life I've fantasized about looking athletic and thin, and I obsessed over the small bits of fat on my inner thighs or hips which defined me as a woman, thinking they were my huge flaws instead of the things which made me sexually appealing and not a skinny prepubescent girl.
I felt fat as a size one, and now that I'm actually fat as a size sixteen (sometimes 14 or 12), I can't believe it. When I see other people who weigh 180 pounds or wear my clothing size, I think "I can't possibly be that big" and try to rationalize my weight even though I know that yes, I really am obese. When I see photos of myself, I try to protect my ego by criticizing the photographer's use of unflattering angles or say it was an awkward pose, but I know that they've probably minimized how bad I actually look.
It seems superficial to be so upset about being overweight... and yet, I think about it constantly and it ruins a lot of experiences.
I want to lose this weight because I want to be able to respect myself and accept that I have self-control and discipline. I want my boyfriend to find me attractive again. Hell, I want to find myself attractive again. I am tired of trying to blend into the furniture - I want my body to match the personality I have inside, and I want to be able to do the things I like without worrying that - oh God - people are going to look at me and judge me for being fat.
Each morning when I wake up, I put off showering as long as I can. I hate facing myself in the mirror and standing naked in the shower, staring down at my body and what I've let it become.
Getting dressed is always a challenge. I have way more clothing than I really need because none of it fits the way I want or looks the way I'd like. I am reluctant to part with any of my clothes, though, because even though I have a closet overstuffed with nothing to wear, it would be completely empty were I to remove everything I don't like wearing.
Instead of thinking of my comfort or the weather, I think about my flaws and how best I can disguise them. By the time I put an outfit together, I feel utterly defeated already, and if I was excited about what I had planned to do for the day, all enthusiasm has evaporated by the time I've dealt with clothing my body.
I am reluctant to go out and be seen in public. I don't like walking around my neighborhood or anywhere anyone might know me and see me looking awful. I won't ride my bike because I know I look repulsive. I avoid activities which are in any way physical or would call attention to my fatness, even those I used to love. I avoid going to the gym even though I realize that's the one place I'm allowed to look fat because it's where I can do something about it. I refuse to use the gym at my school because I'm afraid of being seen by classmates and professors. Instead I go to a gym that's a half-hour away, which makes it more time-consuming and makes me less likely to drive there. It should come as no surprise that I've gone exactly once this summer.
To be perfectly honest, if I get invited somewhere that there will be attractive and thin women (including my friends and family), my first impulse is to say no and try to avoid it. If I accept invitations, I spend the time leading up to events worrying, fretting that I don't have anything flattering to wear, dreading having to see people's reactions to my weight and appearance. More than a few times I've seen old friends give me sad looks which all but shouted "You used to be thin and pretty, but now I can't even remember what you looked like before you got so fat."
I resent my friends and family because I know they compare me unfavorably with other women. I feel guilty and ashamed when people see me with my boyfriend because we all know he deserves someone more attractive who takes better care of herself.
I avoid sex because I hate him touching my fat or seeing my body. I can't relax and let myself enjoy the intimacy or emotional experience because I'm constantly thinking how fat and out of shape I am. Instead of feeling pleasure, I feel disgust because I am reminded of my body and the mess I've made of it. I shy away from physical contact, and I maintain a problematic emotional distance from my boyfriend. I constantly fear he will reject me and I'm terribly afraid of his reactions to my appearance.
He has told me it's been a long while since he's found me physically attractive, and this breaks my heart every day.
I am reluctant to share my opinion or stand out at school because I don't want to call attention to myself. When I do speak up, I get distracted in the midst of discussion because I suddenly worry that my chin is wobbling or that people are looking at my arms when I'm gesticulating. I wish I could disappear most of the time.
I don't even enjoy being by myself. My thighs rub together when I walk and cause uncomfortable chaffing. My breasts and stomach roll over and I feel sick. It's so uncomfortable to wear a bra that the instant I get home I take it off, and I think everyday that I wish I didn't have to wear one.
Being overweight makes me think horribly mean things about myself and destroys my confidence about everything. I doubt my abilities and talents because I can't even control my body, let alone face the things I need to in my life. I think of my personality as weak, flawed, and full of excuses, and I let this carry into every other area of my life. I feel sorry for myself and mope instead of facing my problems.
Since I was twelve years old (if not younger), I've told myself I needed lose weight. My goals always started with "Lose weight" or "Get in shape," even when I was doing varsity sports and clinically underweight. In grade school, I hated myself and focused on thinking I was fat, and the absolute worst experience I could imagine would be my stomach growling during class. My entire life I've fantasized about looking athletic and thin, and I obsessed over the small bits of fat on my inner thighs or hips which defined me as a woman, thinking they were my huge flaws instead of the things which made me sexually appealing and not a skinny prepubescent girl.
I felt fat as a size one, and now that I'm actually fat as a size sixteen (sometimes 14 or 12), I can't believe it. When I see other people who weigh 180 pounds or wear my clothing size, I think "I can't possibly be that big" and try to rationalize my weight even though I know that yes, I really am obese. When I see photos of myself, I try to protect my ego by criticizing the photographer's use of unflattering angles or say it was an awkward pose, but I know that they've probably minimized how bad I actually look.
It seems superficial to be so upset about being overweight... and yet, I think about it constantly and it ruins a lot of experiences.
I want to lose this weight because I want to be able to respect myself and accept that I have self-control and discipline. I want my boyfriend to find me attractive again. Hell, I want to find myself attractive again. I am tired of trying to blend into the furniture - I want my body to match the personality I have inside, and I want to be able to do the things I like without worrying that - oh God - people are going to look at me and judge me for being fat.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Change of plans
I recently returned from a vacation with my mother, during which we talked some about dieting, body image, fitness, health, and so forth. She's recently lost over 20 pounds and looks absolutely amazing.
Meanwhile, I've been on ediets since the end of February and... not losing weight. Yes, I am 20 pounds lighter than when I started, but I hit a plateau and haven't been moving.
Cooking all of my meals has been torture. Spending a fortune on groceries is arduous and stressful. Keeping the blog the way I was absolutely wasn't helping.
So today I signed up for NutriSystem, which is how my mom lost all her weight. The advantage as I see it is that the most preparation these meals will require is adding some water and microwaving. I can handle that. And because the food is already in my apartment, it's not going to be a choice between cheating on the diet or going to the store - I just have to walk to the other room and heat something.
I really really hope that this works. I was about to give up dieting altogether before my mom and I talked about it. So, Diet #2 for this project.
Since I will be eating prepackaged meals, I'm not going to be posting photos of all the food (since that was really hard to keep up anyway). Maybe once in a while I will show what some of it looks like, but mostly I plan to keep this blog more in a journal format, seeing as that's the one outlet I actually need right now.
One kind of dismaying, but amusing thing. The NutriSystem site has a My Virtual Model, which I've seen before on clothing sites. I filled in my stats and yikes - she's a big fat cow! The good news is, they also show what I could look like at my goal weight (120 - right) and umm, she's pretty foxy. Good to see what I'm shooting for.
Meanwhile, I've been on ediets since the end of February and... not losing weight. Yes, I am 20 pounds lighter than when I started, but I hit a plateau and haven't been moving.
Cooking all of my meals has been torture. Spending a fortune on groceries is arduous and stressful. Keeping the blog the way I was absolutely wasn't helping.
So today I signed up for NutriSystem, which is how my mom lost all her weight. The advantage as I see it is that the most preparation these meals will require is adding some water and microwaving. I can handle that. And because the food is already in my apartment, it's not going to be a choice between cheating on the diet or going to the store - I just have to walk to the other room and heat something.
I really really hope that this works. I was about to give up dieting altogether before my mom and I talked about it. So, Diet #2 for this project.
Since I will be eating prepackaged meals, I'm not going to be posting photos of all the food (since that was really hard to keep up anyway). Maybe once in a while I will show what some of it looks like, but mostly I plan to keep this blog more in a journal format, seeing as that's the one outlet I actually need right now.
One kind of dismaying, but amusing thing. The NutriSystem site has a My Virtual Model, which I've seen before on clothing sites. I filled in my stats and yikes - she's a big fat cow! The good news is, they also show what I could look like at my goal weight (120 - right) and umm, she's pretty foxy. Good to see what I'm shooting for.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I am the worst diet-blogger ever
Oh man. I'm awful at updating this set.
I've continued on my diet, dutifully following the meal plan and taking photos - I just haven't bothered posting them or writing anything in a month. Argh!
The good news is that to date, I've lost 20.5 pounds and gone down a full pants size and two skirts sizes (hooray!). I was able to fit into a lot of my old clothes (from before I gained weight) and am finally starting to recognize that progress is being made, however slowly.
I've got quite a backlog of photos and thoughts and there are plenty of days I just plain don't remember... so I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this blog.
I hope those of you who used to read this site are doing well and keeping up with your diet and exercise regimes, and I'll try to post more regularly from this point forward!
I've continued on my diet, dutifully following the meal plan and taking photos - I just haven't bothered posting them or writing anything in a month. Argh!
The good news is that to date, I've lost 20.5 pounds and gone down a full pants size and two skirts sizes (hooray!). I was able to fit into a lot of my old clothes (from before I gained weight) and am finally starting to recognize that progress is being made, however slowly.
I've got quite a backlog of photos and thoughts and there are plenty of days I just plain don't remember... so I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this blog.
I hope those of you who used to read this site are doing well and keeping up with your diet and exercise regimes, and I'll try to post more regularly from this point forward!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Day One Hundred Fifty Seven
First Meal
When I first cooked this chicken, I was really down on it because I'd overcooked some of the ingredients and others just tasted awful. Reheating didn't do it many favors, but it was slightly more tolerable this time around, if only because it was a smaller portion than the first. The green beans improved immensely with some time to marinate in the vinegar, garlic & oil, but they were the only shining moment in an otherwise pretty dreadful meal.
I can't really even explain why I didn't like this so much, but I've been putting off eating it for days and was just as displeased as I thought I'd be when I finally got around to it. Incidentally, I didn't eat at all today until late evening, adding extreme hunger to my dissatisfaction.
Second Meal
This used to be my favorite meal, but the soy nuts got annoying to eat. Furthermore, the grapes had seeds in them, making it more of a dissection process than an enjoyable meal. Still love waffles and chocolate soy milk though!
I didn't bother with a third meal or snack, seeing as I'd loathed my first two so much. I'm also on a really wonky sleep schedule, and since I had zero physical activity, I don't feel so bad skipping.
I'm sure part of my messed-up sleep is to do with eating meals at such irregular times. Somehow my avoidance of cooking is making me put things off way past a reasonable time-frame, and then I am only beginning to get my energy going at the end of the day. I have to work on this.
- leftover Argentinian stuffed chicken (with egg, yellow pepper, raisins, prunes, oregano)
- balsamic & garlic green beans
- brown rice
- nectarine
When I first cooked this chicken, I was really down on it because I'd overcooked some of the ingredients and others just tasted awful. Reheating didn't do it many favors, but it was slightly more tolerable this time around, if only because it was a smaller portion than the first. The green beans improved immensely with some time to marinate in the vinegar, garlic & oil, but they were the only shining moment in an otherwise pretty dreadful meal.
I can't really even explain why I didn't like this so much, but I've been putting off eating it for days and was just as displeased as I thought I'd be when I finally got around to it. Incidentally, I didn't eat at all today until late evening, adding extreme hunger to my dissatisfaction.
Second Meal
- waffle with light syrup
- soy nuts
- vegetarian bacon
- red grapes
- light chocolate soy milk
This used to be my favorite meal, but the soy nuts got annoying to eat. Furthermore, the grapes had seeds in them, making it more of a dissection process than an enjoyable meal. Still love waffles and chocolate soy milk though!
I didn't bother with a third meal or snack, seeing as I'd loathed my first two so much. I'm also on a really wonky sleep schedule, and since I had zero physical activity, I don't feel so bad skipping.
I'm sure part of my messed-up sleep is to do with eating meals at such irregular times. Somehow my avoidance of cooking is making me put things off way past a reasonable time-frame, and then I am only beginning to get my energy going at the end of the day. I have to work on this.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Weigh-In Week Nineteen
187.5. Oh dear. It's as if I haven't lost any weight at all!
I had actually weighed myself on Saturday morning and was disappointed that I was at 184.5, thinking I hadn't made any progress... little did I know how much more destruction I was about to do.
Obviously I've been incredibly half-assed all this time and not even bathing-suit shopping or the beginning of summer dressing has encouraged me to get my act together. I don't really know what to do with myself except start over, again, with rigorous following of the meal plan and a serious attempt at exercise. Blargh.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Day One Hundred Twenty Eight
Breakfast
I stayed over my boyfriend's mother's house, and my boyfriend made omelettes for breakfast. He was so sweet, trying to approximate the peppers and eggs meal... unfortunately this was the only even remotely healthy thing I would eat today.
Afternoon Binge
We stopped at a gas station on our drive home and pigged out on horrifying snacks. After this weekend's general gluttony, my boyfriend turned to me and asked "Wait, we're still not back on our diets??" We agreed to one more day of gut-busting unhealthfulness and then a concerted effort... again.
Evening Binge
Yeah umm... poisoning myself with Domino's. Now that I am full of several pounds of disgusting food, I have about a half-ton of guilt and self-loathing to accompany it.
Diet? What diet? I really enjoy being fat... sigh...
- omelette made with eggs, peppers & feta cheese (not pictured)
I stayed over my boyfriend's mother's house, and my boyfriend made omelettes for breakfast. He was so sweet, trying to approximate the peppers and eggs meal... unfortunately this was the only even remotely healthy thing I would eat today.
Afternoon Binge
- chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich
- 1/2 giant peanut butter cookie
- bologna & cheese sandwich with mayonnaise
We stopped at a gas station on our drive home and pigged out on horrifying snacks. After this weekend's general gluttony, my boyfriend turned to me and asked "Wait, we're still not back on our diets??" We agreed to one more day of gut-busting unhealthfulness and then a concerted effort... again.
Evening Binge
- cheesy bread with garlic butter and marinara sauce
- chicken kickers with bleu cheese dipping sauce
- 1/2 thin-crust sausage pizza
- cinna-stix with vanilla icing
Yeah umm... poisoning myself with Domino's. Now that I am full of several pounds of disgusting food, I have about a half-ton of guilt and self-loathing to accompany it.
Diet? What diet? I really enjoy being fat... sigh...
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Day One Hundred Twenty Seven
Breakfast
(not pictured)
Our houseguests took us out to brunch. I didn't even attempt to find something healthy on the menu.
Lunch
We went to a party in the afternoon and fortunately, there was not enough food or place-settings for me to partake in the delicious-looking pasta or many of the other items I saw other guests enjoying. I also had a Jack Daniels & Diet Coke to drink.
Evening
Late at night, my boyfriend and I snacked at his mother's house in lieu of dinner. It would have been easy enough to scrounge up a healthy meal, but we were frankly too lazy and used the rationalization that we'd already blown it for the day by eating such an extravagant brunch.
(not pictured)
- huevos rancheros - scrambled eggs, refried beans, salsa, 2 small flour tortillas, chipotle sour cream, chorizo
Our houseguests took us out to brunch. I didn't even attempt to find something healthy on the menu.
Lunch
- 1/2 chicken breast sandwich
- handful of fries
- chocolate lava cake
We went to a party in the afternoon and fortunately, there was not enough food or place-settings for me to partake in the delicious-looking pasta or many of the other items I saw other guests enjoying. I also had a Jack Daniels & Diet Coke to drink.
Evening
- hunk of fresh mozzarella
- chocolate-dipped mango coconut bar
Late at night, my boyfriend and I snacked at his mother's house in lieu of dinner. It would have been easy enough to scrounge up a healthy meal, but we were frankly too lazy and used the rationalization that we'd already blown it for the day by eating such an extravagant brunch.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Day One Hundred Twenty Six
(not pictured)
Breakfast
We were in Coney Island for the Mermaid Parade and, of course, my boyfriend and I agreed to skip the diets while we had guests visiting.
Snack
A respite from the thunderstorms, we stopped for ice cream.
Lunch & Dinner
We had a group of friends over and ordered food. I used the occasion to make an absolute pig of myself. It worries me that I am still able to eat so very much when I give myself permission - one would think that at some point self-control would kick in and I would keep it within sensible boundaries.
Breakfast
- Nathan's corn dog
- 1/2 portion of chili cheese fries
We were in Coney Island for the Mermaid Parade and, of course, my boyfriend and I agreed to skip the diets while we had guests visiting.
Snack
- McDonald's sundae with extra fudge
A respite from the thunderstorms, we stopped for ice cream.
Lunch & Dinner
- nachos with chorizo, jalapeno peppers, refried beans & cheese
- beef enchiladas & rice
- milkshake made with Haagen Dazs & stout beer
We had a group of friends over and ordered food. I used the occasion to make an absolute pig of myself. It worries me that I am still able to eat so very much when I give myself permission - one would think that at some point self-control would kick in and I would keep it within sensible boundaries.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Day One Hundred Twenty Five
Breakfast
After such a debacle yesterday, I wanted something refreshing and light, and this meal was exactly the right idea. I realized that I usually start the days pretty healthy, and it's in my dinner-time decision-making that I blow the diet.
Lunch
Committed to making responsible decisions today, I prepared both lunch and dinner at the same time. Ordinarily this would be made with spinach and tomato sauce, but as I had neither, I used some salsa - I reasoned that the vegetable content in the salsa could perhaps pass, though I realize it's not really the same.
Of course it was incredibly delicious and ultimately more satisfying than if I had ordered delivery pizza (as I'd had in mind).
Dinner
Since I'd prepared this ahead, it was very easy to pop in the microwave and enjoy later. The salsa had soaked into the pita some, making it somehow more flavorful and gooey than the first, which I really enjoyed.
It felt good to eat healthy meals and gave me confidence that I wasn't a total screw-up with no will-power. Of course, we're having house-guests this weekend and my boyfriend and I already agreed we would just enjoy ourselves and eat whatever we wanted, so in a way, I realized I'm setting myself up to fail. Perhaps I can find a happy medium between food which is healthy and enjoyable.
- Total with almonds, wheat germ, sliced strawberries & milk
After such a debacle yesterday, I wanted something refreshing and light, and this meal was exactly the right idea. I realized that I usually start the days pretty healthy, and it's in my dinner-time decision-making that I blow the diet.
Lunch
- pita-bread pizza made with salsa, mushrooms & low-fat cheese
- strawberries
Committed to making responsible decisions today, I prepared both lunch and dinner at the same time. Ordinarily this would be made with spinach and tomato sauce, but as I had neither, I used some salsa - I reasoned that the vegetable content in the salsa could perhaps pass, though I realize it's not really the same.
Of course it was incredibly delicious and ultimately more satisfying than if I had ordered delivery pizza (as I'd had in mind).
Dinner
- pita-bread pizza made with salsa, mushrooms & low-fat cheese
- strawberries
Since I'd prepared this ahead, it was very easy to pop in the microwave and enjoy later. The salsa had soaked into the pita some, making it somehow more flavorful and gooey than the first, which I really enjoyed.
It felt good to eat healthy meals and gave me confidence that I wasn't a total screw-up with no will-power. Of course, we're having house-guests this weekend and my boyfriend and I already agreed we would just enjoy ourselves and eat whatever we wanted, so in a way, I realized I'm setting myself up to fail. Perhaps I can find a happy medium between food which is healthy and enjoyable.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Day One Hundred Twenty Four
Breakfast
A terrible photo, but a fabulous meal. This time I'd used yellow pepper, which had a very different flavor than usual - a pleasant experience.
Lunch, Dinner, Snack
I ate about most of the vegetables, chicken & cashews and left most of the rice, as it was greasy and salty and generally quite unappealing.
My boyfriend and I had waited until fairly late in the evening to think about food plans, then (because we're terrible influences on one another) we decided to order Chinese, which was an abyssmal error. I had thought I could approximate some of the stir-fry options on my plan with some kind of chicken and vegetable combination (though admittedly steamed chicken & veggies would have been a better choice than chicken & cashews), and I thought I'd make up for it with brown rice... though this particular place doesn't seem to know that brown rice is not just fried rice doused in soy sauce - blech!
My boyfriend's meal was even worse, and immediately after we had stomach aches and lamented such poor decision-making. We resolved to never order from that place again and agreed we should remember this experience when we want to "treat" ourselves with something unhealthy.
- peppers & eggs with black pepper and parmesan cheese
- Triscuits
- vegetarian bacon
- strawberries
- skim milk
A terrible photo, but a fabulous meal. This time I'd used yellow pepper, which had a very different flavor than usual - a pleasant experience.
Lunch, Dinner, Snack
- pork egg roll
- chicken with cashews
- "brown" rice (which I think was regular rice cooked with soy sauce
I ate about most of the vegetables, chicken & cashews and left most of the rice, as it was greasy and salty and generally quite unappealing.
My boyfriend and I had waited until fairly late in the evening to think about food plans, then (because we're terrible influences on one another) we decided to order Chinese, which was an abyssmal error. I had thought I could approximate some of the stir-fry options on my plan with some kind of chicken and vegetable combination (though admittedly steamed chicken & veggies would have been a better choice than chicken & cashews), and I thought I'd make up for it with brown rice... though this particular place doesn't seem to know that brown rice is not just fried rice doused in soy sauce - blech!
My boyfriend's meal was even worse, and immediately after we had stomach aches and lamented such poor decision-making. We resolved to never order from that place again and agreed we should remember this experience when we want to "treat" ourselves with something unhealthy.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Day One Hundred Twenty Three
Breakfast
I think I could maybe eat this for every meal... it's just so delicious and satisfying.
Lunch
My boyfriend was making himself one of those fabulous ground-beef saute Atkins combinations (one could also substitute the phrase "magical stoner creation" and maintain striking accuracy) and kindly offered to make me a hamburger, which I enjoyed immensely. Often I forget how easy it is to make a simple, allowed meal - it's just a hamburger, right?
Snack
After my hamburger for lunch, the cheese flavor was especially satisfying. I will have to keep my eye out for this variety in the future!
Dinner
Just before bed I realized I'd forgotten to prepare dinner. I didn't bother mixing the ingredients together before I photographed this (and I blasted them with flash too), and so I guess you can get a more accurate idea of the distribution - there's really a lot of blueberries!
- Total with almonds, wheat germ, blueberries & milk
I think I could maybe eat this for every meal... it's just so delicious and satisfying.
Lunch
- hamburger on a whole wheat bun
- lettuce with fat-free Italian dressing
- strawberries
My boyfriend was making himself one of those fabulous ground-beef saute Atkins combinations (one could also substitute the phrase "magical stoner creation" and maintain striking accuracy) and kindly offered to make me a hamburger, which I enjoyed immensely. Often I forget how easy it is to make a simple, allowed meal - it's just a hamburger, right?
Snack
- low-fat cheese-flavored soy crisps with unsweetened cranberry juice
After my hamburger for lunch, the cheese flavor was especially satisfying. I will have to keep my eye out for this variety in the future!
Dinner
- Total with almonds, wheat germ, blueberries & milk
Just before bed I realized I'd forgotten to prepare dinner. I didn't bother mixing the ingredients together before I photographed this (and I blasted them with flash too), and so I guess you can get a more accurate idea of the distribution - there's really a lot of blueberries!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Day One Hundred Twenty Two
Breakfast
I was about to pull out my trusty box of raisins when I remembered the blueberries sitting in my fridge, and I got more enthusiastic about breakfast than I've been in a long while.
If it's been a while since you've had fresh blueberries with cereal, you owe it to yourself to have some as soon as possible - what a treat!
Lunch
My boyfriend was going to McDonald's to pick himself up some double cheeseburgers and asked if he could get me a salad or somesuch. Not wanting to guess at what was allowed, I went onto the diet website to look up exact substitutions provided. Imagine my intense delight to learn I was allowed to have ten chicken McNuggets!!! Sure, I couldn't have any sauce or anything else with my meal but honestly? Who cares. Chicken McNuggets!
Meanwhile, my boyfriend chowed down on six hamburger patties with cheese. He actually suggested I take a comparison photo:
Personally, I think I got the better end of things.
Dinner
Even though my lunch was allowed by the meal plan, I felt like I'd cheated and I think I was planning to skip dinner. Fortunately, hunger struck late in the evening and I had cereal, which is quickly becoming an obsession with the addition of blueberries.
Snack
These tasted like Cheetos or some other fantastically unhealthy processed cheese snack food, yet they were even healthier than the garlic & onion soy chips I usually eat - what a treat!
- Total with almonds, blueberries, wheat germ & milk
I was about to pull out my trusty box of raisins when I remembered the blueberries sitting in my fridge, and I got more enthusiastic about breakfast than I've been in a long while.
If it's been a while since you've had fresh blueberries with cereal, you owe it to yourself to have some as soon as possible - what a treat!
Lunch
- McDonald's 10-piece chicken nuggets
My boyfriend was going to McDonald's to pick himself up some double cheeseburgers and asked if he could get me a salad or somesuch. Not wanting to guess at what was allowed, I went onto the diet website to look up exact substitutions provided. Imagine my intense delight to learn I was allowed to have ten chicken McNuggets!!! Sure, I couldn't have any sauce or anything else with my meal but honestly? Who cares. Chicken McNuggets!
Meanwhile, my boyfriend chowed down on six hamburger patties with cheese. He actually suggested I take a comparison photo:
Personally, I think I got the better end of things.
Dinner
- cereal with almonds, wheat germ, blueberries & milk
Even though my lunch was allowed by the meal plan, I felt like I'd cheated and I think I was planning to skip dinner. Fortunately, hunger struck late in the evening and I had cereal, which is quickly becoming an obsession with the addition of blueberries.
Snack
- low-fat cheese-flavored soy crisps with unsweetened cranberry juice
These tasted like Cheetos or some other fantastically unhealthy processed cheese snack food, yet they were even healthier than the garlic & onion soy chips I usually eat - what a treat!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Day One Hundred Twenty One
Breakfast
Back home, and back to my standard meals. Cannot complain, as I always love the whole grain Total, but I will admit, I sort of craved the Special K. Maybe I will pick up a box next time I'm buying cereal.
Snack
I realized just how much I prefer the spicy three pepper hummus to the jalapeno. It seems like they should taste almost the same and yet... no dice. Again, will have to look for it next time I'm running low. I kept chuckling while preparing this, saying "you-muss" to myself in my father's style.
Lunch
I ate this meal in waves. To prepare the peppers, you first have to cook the filling, then bake the peppers with the filling stuffed in. Now last time I made them, more than half of the filling didn't fit in the peppers, so I used the biggest peppers I could find and still had quite a bit left over. While the peppers cooked, I ate that and noticed it's a different flavor without soaking in the pepper's juices, but every so often I'd hit upon a cluster of cheese and garlic and it was fabulous.
By the time the pepper came out of the oven I wasn't sure I was hungry, but having gotten a taste of the way the tofu absorbed the red pepper flavor, I suddenly found a lot of appetite. It was delicious.
After enjoying my New Jersey blueberries so much I decided to get some myself, and I was very pleased to find some that were definitely up to par. Just goes to show, I have to look more carefully when I'm at the store. $4.99 for a pint though... ouch.
Dinner
After sitting for a while and then getting reheated, the filling absorbed even more flavor and became fantastic. Weirdly, the microwave softened the pepper's skin more than baking it all that time did, so it more closely resembled roast pepper in texture. I contemplated preparing it that way in the future (seeing as the filling is already cooked and warmed)... will have to see.
- Total with almonds, raisins, wheat germ & milk
Back home, and back to my standard meals. Cannot complain, as I always love the whole grain Total, but I will admit, I sort of craved the Special K. Maybe I will pick up a box next time I'm buying cereal.
Snack
- Triscuits with jalapeno hummus
- skim milk
I realized just how much I prefer the spicy three pepper hummus to the jalapeno. It seems like they should taste almost the same and yet... no dice. Again, will have to look for it next time I'm running low. I kept chuckling while preparing this, saying "you-muss" to myself in my father's style.
Lunch
- red pepper stuffed with tofu, rice, corn, onion, garlic, mozzarella, oregano & parsley
- blueberries
I ate this meal in waves. To prepare the peppers, you first have to cook the filling, then bake the peppers with the filling stuffed in. Now last time I made them, more than half of the filling didn't fit in the peppers, so I used the biggest peppers I could find and still had quite a bit left over. While the peppers cooked, I ate that and noticed it's a different flavor without soaking in the pepper's juices, but every so often I'd hit upon a cluster of cheese and garlic and it was fabulous.
By the time the pepper came out of the oven I wasn't sure I was hungry, but having gotten a taste of the way the tofu absorbed the red pepper flavor, I suddenly found a lot of appetite. It was delicious.
After enjoying my New Jersey blueberries so much I decided to get some myself, and I was very pleased to find some that were definitely up to par. Just goes to show, I have to look more carefully when I'm at the store. $4.99 for a pint though... ouch.
Dinner
- red pepper stuffed with tofu, rice, corn, onion, garlic, mozzarella, oregano & parsley
- mozzarella
After sitting for a while and then getting reheated, the filling absorbed even more flavor and became fantastic. Weirdly, the microwave softened the pepper's skin more than baking it all that time did, so it more closely resembled roast pepper in texture. I contemplated preparing it that way in the future (seeing as the filling is already cooked and warmed)... will have to see.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Day One Hundred Twenty
Breakfast
Even when I'm in a different state, I still have my stand-bys. Hard to argue with simplicity.
Lunch
My father repeatedly said that I had the best hamburger cooked in New Jersey today... and I may have to agree. I forgot how wonderful blueberries were, particularly fresh New Jersey berries - they were divine. I'm so happy to find decent produce, and I wish more markets in Brooklyn were better stocked (I can't believe I'm saying that, considering all the farmer's markets in NY... but the ones closest to my apartment are dreadful).
Dinner
While my dad prepared this chicken for me, he grilled up some sausage patties for my brother, who I knew would eat them with cheese. It was very tempting to give in to the dark side of temptation, but my dad was so accomodating and made such a lovely piece of chicken that I couldn't possibly.
As it turned out, it was delicious and so flavorful - I forget how good chicken can be when it's not cooked in a broiler or stove-top, and it makes me wish sometimes that we had a backyard for grilling, or at least a sidewalk hibachi.
I had the strawberries later for dessert, and they were just a little slice of heaven.
Snack
skipped.
I was up late working on a paper and completely forgot. Ah well.
- Special K red berries with skim milk
Even when I'm in a different state, I still have my stand-bys. Hard to argue with simplicity.
Lunch
- hamburger on potato roll with ketchup
- mesclun salad with fat-free Italian dressing
- blueberries
My father repeatedly said that I had the best hamburger cooked in New Jersey today... and I may have to agree. I forgot how wonderful blueberries were, particularly fresh New Jersey berries - they were divine. I'm so happy to find decent produce, and I wish more markets in Brooklyn were better stocked (I can't believe I'm saying that, considering all the farmer's markets in NY... but the ones closest to my apartment are dreadful).
Dinner
- grilled chicken breast with green beans and tater tots
- sliced strawberries sprinkled with Splenda
While my dad prepared this chicken for me, he grilled up some sausage patties for my brother, who I knew would eat them with cheese. It was very tempting to give in to the dark side of temptation, but my dad was so accomodating and made such a lovely piece of chicken that I couldn't possibly.
As it turned out, it was delicious and so flavorful - I forget how good chicken can be when it's not cooked in a broiler or stove-top, and it makes me wish sometimes that we had a backyard for grilling, or at least a sidewalk hibachi.
I had the strawberries later for dessert, and they were just a little slice of heaven.
Snack
skipped.
I was up late working on a paper and completely forgot. Ah well.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Day One Hundred Nineteen
Lunch
I went to visit my parents this weekend, so I started the day with the lunch meal. I ate the grapes later in the afternoon, though I forgot to eat a vegetable... perhaps I will have to do like my school board used to and count ketchup as a veggie.
Breakfast
We went grocery shopping, where I was able to pick up almonds to have with the cereal my mom already had. They did not have wheat germ (though really, do you know a lot of people who ordinarily do?), but I forgot to get any, so I ommitted it.
Dinner
My father grilled up some delicious steaks - it was difficult to only take the few ounces I was allowed. I did indulge in mushrooms (sauteed in butter & salt), but since I'd gone hiking in the afternoon I figured it was vaguely permissible.
I know that tater tots do not equal healthy fries or a baked potato, and I completely forgot to have a fruit... but at least I tried to eat within the meal plan. Heh. Yeah it sounds as lame in writing as it did trying to rationalize it in my head.
As it happens, my mom is on NutriSystem, my brother is on Atkins, and I'm doing my diet, so we had four versions of dinner served that night. Quite an interesting preparation scene in the kitchen.
Snack
They had my very favorite kind of hummus at the grocery, so I picked up a tub, figuring I can leave it at my parents' and have it when I'm there to visit. My father repeatedly gave quizzical looks at it and pronounced it "you-muss," as in "you-muss?? what's this stuff made of?" It occurred to me that there is a whole spectrum of healthy foods that some people never have, or are never exposed to, especially if they write them off as "weird vegetarian hippie stuff" the way my father did with this.
However, the snack was fabulous and just what I wanted in the late evening. Unfortunately, I didn't look up the serving size online and ate 5 Triscuits instead of the alotted three... I think I've been doing this recently, so I will have to be careful and not assume I know all the portions.
- hamburger on potato roll with ketchup
- grapes
I went to visit my parents this weekend, so I started the day with the lunch meal. I ate the grapes later in the afternoon, though I forgot to eat a vegetable... perhaps I will have to do like my school board used to and count ketchup as a veggie.
Breakfast
- Special K Red Berries with almonds & skim milk
We went grocery shopping, where I was able to pick up almonds to have with the cereal my mom already had. They did not have wheat germ (though really, do you know a lot of people who ordinarily do?), but I forgot to get any, so I ommitted it.
Dinner
- grilled T-bone steak, sauteed mushrooms
- mesclun salad with fat-free Italian dressing
- tater tots
My father grilled up some delicious steaks - it was difficult to only take the few ounces I was allowed. I did indulge in mushrooms (sauteed in butter & salt), but since I'd gone hiking in the afternoon I figured it was vaguely permissible.
I know that tater tots do not equal healthy fries or a baked potato, and I completely forgot to have a fruit... but at least I tried to eat within the meal plan. Heh. Yeah it sounds as lame in writing as it did trying to rationalize it in my head.
As it happens, my mom is on NutriSystem, my brother is on Atkins, and I'm doing my diet, so we had four versions of dinner served that night. Quite an interesting preparation scene in the kitchen.
Snack
- Triscuits with spicy three pepper hummus
- skim milk
They had my very favorite kind of hummus at the grocery, so I picked up a tub, figuring I can leave it at my parents' and have it when I'm there to visit. My father repeatedly gave quizzical looks at it and pronounced it "you-muss," as in "you-muss?? what's this stuff made of?" It occurred to me that there is a whole spectrum of healthy foods that some people never have, or are never exposed to, especially if they write them off as "weird vegetarian hippie stuff" the way my father did with this.
However, the snack was fabulous and just what I wanted in the late evening. Unfortunately, I didn't look up the serving size online and ate 5 Triscuits instead of the alotted three... I think I've been doing this recently, so I will have to be careful and not assume I know all the portions.
Weigh-In Week Eighteen
184 pounds.
It's actually been so long since I've recorded my weight here that I forget if this is good or bad.
Once I finish my backlog of posts, I'll update on whether I've made progress or not.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Day One Hundred Nineteen
Breakfast
No, I haven't mislabelled or inserted the wrong photo - I had this salad for breakfast, and it was wonderful. I was having a sort of lazy day, awaking late, so technically it was lunch time by the time I prepared it, and when my boyfriend pointed out that half the salad kit's lettuce was suspect, I quickly tried to salvage the rest (of course, using the entire packet of dressing). Realizing how many calories exist in such a salad kit (light dressing aside), I decided I should count it as a meal, and I'm pretty sure I swilled some more cranberry juice to balance.
Snack
I found the hummus more satisfactorily spicy this time and thoroughly enjoyed the combination of creamy milk flavor with zesty pepper.
Lunch
When I started rooting around the fridge for lunch-type ingredients, I found myself only desiring peppers and eggs, so peppers and eggs it was.
Something about breakfast meals makes me think they should be eaten all day round, except at breakfast time, apparently.
Dinner
skipped.
I had a really skull-crushingly awful headache and was busy sweating and packing for a trip this weekend. I couldn't be bothered to put anything together and just needed to be unconscious... though I am aware a nutritious meal probably could have helped the headache situation.
- Light Caesar salad
No, I haven't mislabelled or inserted the wrong photo - I had this salad for breakfast, and it was wonderful. I was having a sort of lazy day, awaking late, so technically it was lunch time by the time I prepared it, and when my boyfriend pointed out that half the salad kit's lettuce was suspect, I quickly tried to salvage the rest (of course, using the entire packet of dressing). Realizing how many calories exist in such a salad kit (light dressing aside), I decided I should count it as a meal, and I'm pretty sure I swilled some more cranberry juice to balance.
Snack
- Triscuits, jalapeno hummus, skim milk
I found the hummus more satisfactorily spicy this time and thoroughly enjoyed the combination of creamy milk flavor with zesty pepper.
Lunch
- peppers & eggs with parmesan and black pepper
- Triscuits
- vegetarian bacon
- sliced kiwi sprinkled with Splenda
- skim milk
When I started rooting around the fridge for lunch-type ingredients, I found myself only desiring peppers and eggs, so peppers and eggs it was.
Something about breakfast meals makes me think they should be eaten all day round, except at breakfast time, apparently.
Dinner
skipped.
I had a really skull-crushingly awful headache and was busy sweating and packing for a trip this weekend. I couldn't be bothered to put anything together and just needed to be unconscious... though I am aware a nutritious meal probably could have helped the headache situation.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Day One Hundred Eighteen
Breakfast
By and large you can't mess with perfection. Unfortunately this watermelon was perhaps the worst watermelon I've ever had... it was practically flavorless and so mushy it fell apart in my mouth. I ate it all anyway since yknow, lycopene, but still. Blech.
Snack
Even though these chips were mostly crumbs, they were delicious and very enjoyable. I will admit, after I tired of picking up individual pieces with my fingertips, I started laying my tongue down on the plate and gathering a mouthful. Disgusting, yes, but a highly-recommended method of consumption.
Lunch
I've been procrastinating preparing this meal for days, but when faced with letting several dollars' worth of tomatoes go bad, I forced myself to cook. It's never as bad as I think it will be, but the amount of steps and dishes I have to dirty in the process always discourages me. Fortunately, it is exceedingly flavorful, so my efforts were well rewarded.
At the time I actually forgot to pick a fruit to go with it (fearing the watermelon remaining in my fridge), but I kept sipping cranberry juice until it added up to a serving size and decided that was adequate.
Dinner
Of course perhaps the best part of making this dish is that I get to eat it twice, though the let-down once I've finished the second serving is immeasurable. I am beginning to think I should perhaps quadruple the recipe to make it stretch a little more, but since I always eat one serving in a row after another, I'm not sure I can handle four meals of casserole... who am I kidding, of course I could!
I found myself again with no desire for fruit but a high desire for more cranberry juice, and so I supplemented accordingly again.
- peppers & eggs with parmesan and black pepper
- vegetarian bacon
- Triscuits
- watermelon
By and large you can't mess with perfection. Unfortunately this watermelon was perhaps the worst watermelon I've ever had... it was practically flavorless and so mushy it fell apart in my mouth. I ate it all anyway since yknow, lycopene, but still. Blech.
Snack
- garlic & onion soy crisps
- light cranberry juice
Even though these chips were mostly crumbs, they were delicious and very enjoyable. I will admit, after I tired of picking up individual pieces with my fingertips, I started laying my tongue down on the plate and gathering a mouthful. Disgusting, yes, but a highly-recommended method of consumption.
Lunch
- tomato & broccoli cheese casserole (made with whole wheat vermicelli)
- cranberry juice (not pictured)
I've been procrastinating preparing this meal for days, but when faced with letting several dollars' worth of tomatoes go bad, I forced myself to cook. It's never as bad as I think it will be, but the amount of steps and dishes I have to dirty in the process always discourages me. Fortunately, it is exceedingly flavorful, so my efforts were well rewarded.
At the time I actually forgot to pick a fruit to go with it (fearing the watermelon remaining in my fridge), but I kept sipping cranberry juice until it added up to a serving size and decided that was adequate.
Dinner
- tomato & broccoli cheese casserole
Of course perhaps the best part of making this dish is that I get to eat it twice, though the let-down once I've finished the second serving is immeasurable. I am beginning to think I should perhaps quadruple the recipe to make it stretch a little more, but since I always eat one serving in a row after another, I'm not sure I can handle four meals of casserole... who am I kidding, of course I could!
I found myself again with no desire for fruit but a high desire for more cranberry juice, and so I supplemented accordingly again.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Day One Hundred Seventeen
Breakfast
This is probably my most commonly-eaten meal, and I'm glad I usually have the ingredients on hand. Eating this keeps me from making really bad decisions first thing in the morning (or whenever I have it) and sets me solidly on track for the day.
Lunch
I know - what is this meal doing here? The truth is, I didn't feel like preparing the dish I'd planned (originally the same dish I planned last night for dinner - I'm really dreading it I guess). Since the meals are interchangeable, I decided I could have a meal I really enjoyed and could prepare quickly, rather than struggling to find something easier to make out of the ingredients I had.
I'm so glad I didn't substitute a bowl of cereal as I'd thought to do, as this meal was much more satisfying and flavorful.
Snack
I know it looks like a dallop of snot, or maybe mustard, but this hummus was quite delicious. Not quite as good as that crazy spicy three-pepper hummus, but tangier and a little less fiery in its flavor, which made for a great snack.
It occurred to me as I was finishing the milk that while I really enjoy soy crisps and juice, they are nowhere near as satisfying as Triscuits, hummus & milk. This combination actually felt like a meal.
Dinner
You know, I've seen these diets where you replace two meals a day with a bowl of cereal, and I've always thought I could never do them, that I'd get bored or be too hungry... but when faced with a messy kitchen and zero desire to cook, suddenly cereal is looking mighty fine.
As I poured the milk, I realized that I've gone through an entire quart today, which is problematic... the meals that I've had called for 1 cup, 3/4 cup, 1/2 cup & 1 cup respectively, so while I'm kind of close to the 4 cups in a quart (total=3-1/4 cups), I'm over by a good 3/4 cup. I mentally comforted myself by saying at least it was skim milk (I'm allowed 1% or even 2%), but still, it's not like it's devoid of calories. I'm thinking I will probably have to start measuring milk again until I can get my pours metered more accurately. Every little bit counts.
I had to go to the grocery to get cat food and other sundries this evening, and I went to a different place with aisles full of exotic and fabulous treats. I stuck to my list and the only indulgence I allowed was a bag of sugar-free Hershey's dark chocolate, of which I had one piece. I know it was stupid to buy them in the first place - even stupider to lie to myself and say they were for the boyfriend because he is out of town at the moment - but it could have been a much, much more foolish choice, all things considered. If one piece of dark chocolate can keep me from sabotaging myself in worse ways, then it's a small price to pay.
- cereal with almonds, raisins, wheat germ & skim milk
This is probably my most commonly-eaten meal, and I'm glad I usually have the ingredients on hand. Eating this keeps me from making really bad decisions first thing in the morning (or whenever I have it) and sets me solidly on track for the day.
Lunch
- peppers & eggs, vegetarian bacon, Triscuits, milk & sliced kiwi
I know - what is this meal doing here? The truth is, I didn't feel like preparing the dish I'd planned (originally the same dish I planned last night for dinner - I'm really dreading it I guess). Since the meals are interchangeable, I decided I could have a meal I really enjoyed and could prepare quickly, rather than struggling to find something easier to make out of the ingredients I had.
I'm so glad I didn't substitute a bowl of cereal as I'd thought to do, as this meal was much more satisfying and flavorful.
Snack
- Triscuits with jalapeno hummus & skim milk
I know it looks like a dallop of snot, or maybe mustard, but this hummus was quite delicious. Not quite as good as that crazy spicy three-pepper hummus, but tangier and a little less fiery in its flavor, which made for a great snack.
It occurred to me as I was finishing the milk that while I really enjoy soy crisps and juice, they are nowhere near as satisfying as Triscuits, hummus & milk. This combination actually felt like a meal.
Dinner
- cereal with almonds, raisins, wheat germ & skim milk
You know, I've seen these diets where you replace two meals a day with a bowl of cereal, and I've always thought I could never do them, that I'd get bored or be too hungry... but when faced with a messy kitchen and zero desire to cook, suddenly cereal is looking mighty fine.
As I poured the milk, I realized that I've gone through an entire quart today, which is problematic... the meals that I've had called for 1 cup, 3/4 cup, 1/2 cup & 1 cup respectively, so while I'm kind of close to the 4 cups in a quart (total=3-1/4 cups), I'm over by a good 3/4 cup. I mentally comforted myself by saying at least it was skim milk (I'm allowed 1% or even 2%), but still, it's not like it's devoid of calories. I'm thinking I will probably have to start measuring milk again until I can get my pours metered more accurately. Every little bit counts.
I had to go to the grocery to get cat food and other sundries this evening, and I went to a different place with aisles full of exotic and fabulous treats. I stuck to my list and the only indulgence I allowed was a bag of sugar-free Hershey's dark chocolate, of which I had one piece. I know it was stupid to buy them in the first place - even stupider to lie to myself and say they were for the boyfriend because he is out of town at the moment - but it could have been a much, much more foolish choice, all things considered. If one piece of dark chocolate can keep me from sabotaging myself in worse ways, then it's a small price to pay.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Day One Hundred Sixteen
Breakfast
Feeling disgusted with myself and more than a little bit queasy from yesterday's grossly unhealthy eating, I resolved to have a solid day of nutritious meals on the meal plan.
This was definitely a good start, as it is one of my favorite meals.
Snack
Interesting how the cranberry juice resembles red wine from this view.
I was very hungry while preparing lunch & dinner (I cooked them together), so this snack was good to stave off other unapproved snacking.
Lunch
This is the first time I tried this recipe and found it absolutely fantastic, despite all the preparation involved. I think it was to do with the cheese, which was obviously my favorite part. There was entirely too much stuffing to fit into one pepper, which made me decide that when I make them again, I will use those large, oversized peppers currently exploding off the store's shelves.
I didn't bother preparing a fruit, but I had been sipping at cranberry juice all afternoon and took some big gulps to add up to the serving size.
Dinner
I'll admit I ate this second pepper very soon after the first, probably within two hours. I didn't even wash my plate in between.
I had actually had a different dish planned (thinking I'd have the second pepper for lunch tomorrow) but laziness and appetite got the better of me.
At least I didn't order pizza, right?
- peppers & eggs with black pepper & parmesan cheese
- vegetarian bacon
- Triscuits
- raisins
- milk
Feeling disgusted with myself and more than a little bit queasy from yesterday's grossly unhealthy eating, I resolved to have a solid day of nutritious meals on the meal plan.
This was definitely a good start, as it is one of my favorite meals.
Snack
- onion & garlic soy crisps
- cranberry juice
Interesting how the cranberry juice resembles red wine from this view.
I was very hungry while preparing lunch & dinner (I cooked them together), so this snack was good to stave off other unapproved snacking.
Lunch
- pepper stuffed with tofu, garlic, onion, cheese, rice & corn
- cranberry juice (not pictured
This is the first time I tried this recipe and found it absolutely fantastic, despite all the preparation involved. I think it was to do with the cheese, which was obviously my favorite part. There was entirely too much stuffing to fit into one pepper, which made me decide that when I make them again, I will use those large, oversized peppers currently exploding off the store's shelves.
I didn't bother preparing a fruit, but I had been sipping at cranberry juice all afternoon and took some big gulps to add up to the serving size.
Dinner
I'll admit I ate this second pepper very soon after the first, probably within two hours. I didn't even wash my plate in between.
I had actually had a different dish planned (thinking I'd have the second pepper for lunch tomorrow) but laziness and appetite got the better of me.
At least I didn't order pizza, right?
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