Snack, Day Seventy-Two

• 2 graham crackers (2.5" square) with 2/3 tbsp Smart Balance peanut butter

These graham crackers are difficult to break for some reason - maybe they are stale? They're kind of more brittle than usual.

Dinner, Day Seventy-Two

• 1 flour tortilla
• 1/2 cup salsa
• 2 oz cheese
• 1 orange

I think it's time to stop kidding myself that this even remotely qualifies as anything resembling the spinach-pita pizza I used to make. Let's be honest - it's salsa with melted cheese and definitely not nutritionally appropriate here.

Lunch, Day Seventy-Two

• 1 oz whole wheat penne with 5 oz firm tofu, 1 cup frozen broccoli, oregano, garlic, 2 tbsp mayonnaise
• 1 cup lettuce with 1 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1 orange

I'd made a double batch of this pasta yesterday so that I could have it for lunch today. Admittedly I was a bit reluctant after all the stinky gas it'd caused, but it does at least taste delicious, and I found the flatulence effect was lessened this time.

Something you may notice about this photo - it's not taken on the counter like usual, as most this week have not been. Our apartment is getting really messy and I don't like it. I feel more and more out of control the messier the kitchen gets or the fewer clean dishes there are available. It's not fun.

Breakfast, Day Seventy-Two

• 1 oz oatmeal with 1/2 tbsp raisins and 1-1/2 tbsp walnuts
• 2 oz Smart Beat fat-free cheese
• 1 apple

I tried replicating the cheese porridge situation I'd done with this recipe before, this time using the Smart Beat singles which were dreadful compared with shredded cheese. The flavor was just awful, something I don't usually notice in sandwiches but couldn't ignore when melted. Oh well.

Snack, Day Seventy-One

• 1 slice whole wheat bread with 2/3 tbsp Smart Balance peanut butter

Wish I'd toasted the bread.

Dinner, Day Seventy-One

• 2 chicken with basil & pignoli nut sausages
• 1/2 green bell pepper
• 1 oz whole wheat vermicelli
• 1 orange

My boyfriend has been eating sausages and hot dogs all around me, and it's been making me crazy. I particularly coveted these chicken sausages, so I looked at the nutrition facts and was surprised to learn they were only 100 calories each and within the guidelines for an appropriate substitute for meat.

Unfortunately, they did not taste anywhere near as good as I'd imagined. They were pretty greasy and eventually I felt like I was forcing myself to finish. It's too bad - I had hoped this would be a really satisfying meal.

Lunch, Day Seventy-One

• 1 oz whole wheat penne
• 5 oz firm tofu
• 1 cup frozen broccoli
• garlic & oregano
• 2 tbsp low-fat mayonnaise
• 2 cups lettuce with 1-1/2 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1 orange

This cold pasta salad was good, but intensely gas-inducing. I know it's kind of an over-share, but just try to imagine broccoli-scented flatulence and you may possibly understand the unpleasantness. Ah well, it was still tasty and got things (ahem) moving along, digestively.

Breakfast, Day Seventy-One

• 1/2 bell pepper & 2 eggs cooked in 1/3 tbsp olive oil with 1/2 tbsp parmesan cheese
• 2 Morningstar Farms meatless bacon strips
• 16 Wheat Thins
• 1/4 cup dried papaya
• 1/2 cup skim milk
• 2 tsps fiber in 8 oz water

Again, I had fiber to supplement the Wheat Thins. Somehow this version of peppers and eggs wasn't my favorite I've ever had... though it was still quite good.

Weigh-In Week Eleven

185.5 - well how do you like that! I'm down four pounds this week.

Now I'm more convinced than ever that a lot of my weight fluctuations are to do with hormones and water retention moreso than goofing on my diet... though it is worth noting that this is one of the first weeks where I really made sure that I ate all the meals and didn't miss components (as I've been doing regularly since the beginning).

I'm heading into my last week of the semester, so I need to really stay focused on my work, but I will stay mindful not to stray off the diet or let my energy levels lapse by not eating (telling myself I'm too busy to cook etc).

Once the summer begins, I'm going to look for an aerobic or Latin dance class at my gym so that I can start going regularly to something scheduled and assure myself that I'll at least be getting X number of workouts per week. I'm really looking forward to having free time (until I start my summer class at least!) to pack a bag and head to the gym for a few hours - I'm hoping to get a huge jump on toning and conditioning my muscles, as well as developing a regular gym habit that I can continue through next semester and well, indefinitely.

I also hope to have these posts up more regularly throughout the week rather than waiting all week and squeezing them in at the end - I think that writing more currently will help me actually remember the process rather than vaguely trying to recollect details.

(may have to develop a new chart format...)

Weight Loss This Week: 4 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 16.5 pounds

Snack, Day Seventy

• 1/2 cup vanilla frozen yogurt

As this is actually my boyfriend's low-carb yogurt and he got annoyed when he saw me serving myself, I think I won't be enjoying this again... at least not until I buy my own carton!

I realize that ice cream is a huge vice of mine in the summer, so I will have to work to keep from tempting myself with it, or work around it by having healthier low-fat yogurt alternatives on hand should the craving hit.

Dinner, Day Seventy

• 1 oz Total with 1 tbsp wheat germ, 1/2 oz whole almonds, 1/4 cup dried papaya & 1 cup skim milk

I remembered reading somewhere that any of the meals were essentially interchangeable, so finding myself completely without motivation to cook (and mostly desirous of sleep), I decided to have a good old one-bowl cereal breakfast meal for dinner. It was a great decision, as I didn't go to bed too full or feeling like I'd overeaten after having a later lunch. The papaya colored the milk as I ate, so by the end it was a sherbet-orange color - very amusing.

Lunch, Day Seventy

• 2 oz turkey with 1-1/2 oz Smart Beat cheese & 1 tbsp low-fat mayonnaise on 2 slices whole wheat bread
• 2 cups lettuce with 1-1/2 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1/4 cup dried papaya

I had turkey to substitute for roast beef in a similar meal. It's really satisfying to enjoy one of my favorite things (a turkey sandwich) while adhering to this diet.

I didn't eat this meal until after my afternoon class, so I was ravenously hungry and worried I was going to cheat - I was relieved to have enough ingredients to prepare something, as the rationalization that it was Friday evening and I deserved an indulgence was kicking in really strong. I'm really glad I resisted because by the end of eating this I was thoroughly satisfied and in fact quite full. I especially loved the papaya, again.

Breakfast, Day Seventy

• 1 whole wheat hamburger bun with 2 oz ham, 2 slices Smart Beat cheese
• 1/2 cup skim milk & 1/4 cup dried pineapple (not pictured

I was in a big hurry and had to get to my morning class, so I threw this sandwich together (frankly amazed we still had ham in the fridge!) to eat during break then had the rest of the meal later in the morning. I noticed quite a few classmates eyeing my sandwich enviously, and I thought about how satisfying it is to eat cold cuts in the morning.

Snack, Day Sixty-Nine

• 1/2 cup vanilla frozen yogurt

Wow what a treat! I really love vanilla frozen stuff... I am tempted to make this my snack every day.

Dinner, Day Sixty-Nine

• 3 oz lean ground beef, 1/4 small onion, 1 egg white, 2 tbsp low-sodium breadcrumbs, 1/4 cup vegetable broth
• 1/4 cup tomato sauce & 1/2 tsp hot sauce
• 1 oz whole wheat vermicelli
• 1 medium zucchini with 1 tsp apple cider vinegar, 1/2 tsp honey & 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1 banana

Here I had my banana from breakfast, remembering it sitting in my purse turning brown. As I mentioned, I'd made a double recipe of would-be Fiery Meatballs and zucchini. I realized that I hadn't really split the batch evenly, so this meal was even more filling than the previous one. It was interesting to follow a mushy dinner with such a mushy banana, but at least the flavors were wonderful.

Lunch, Day Sixty-Nine

• 3 oz lean ground beef, 1/4 small onion, 1 egg white, 2 tbsp low-sodium breadcrumbs, 1/4 cup vegetable broth
• 1/4 tomato sauce & 1/2 tsp hot sauce
• over 1 oz whole wheat vermicelli
• 1 medium zucchini with 1 tsp apple cider vinegar, 1/2 tsp honey & 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1 apple

This was supposed to have been Fiery Meatballs, and I did in fact go through all the trouble to make them into pretty spheres and get them set up in a pan... but something went horribly wrong and then all stuck to it and crumbled apart, so I stirred the sauce in and just simmered it, thinking I could make a kind of bolognese sauce. The thing is, you don't normally put bread crumbs into bolognese, so this was inordinately filling, although delicious.

I was kind of kicking myself for having made a double-batch, though, as it never quite got to the consistency of meatballs or meat sauce - it was more mush over pasta. Ah well.

Breakfast, Day Sixty-Nine

• 1 sesame bagel with approx. 1 oz raisin-walnut cream cheese

I did not eat the banana pictured.

I had to get breakfast at my school's cafeteria this morning, but I was glad to have remembered that I could have a bagel and cream cheese (though believe me, I was certainly tempted to blow off the diet and have an egg and sausage sandwich from the grill).

I had picked up the banana thinking it would balance the meal, but then I remembered it was really just supposed to be the bagel & cream cheese, so I stowed it in my purse for later.

Snack, Day Sixty-Eight

(not pictured)

• 2/3 oz roasted red-pepper hummus
• 1/2 cup skim milk

As I mentioned I'd already eaten the crackers with dinner, so I filled in the rest of the snack shortly after.

Dinner, Day Sixty-Eight

• 1/2 cup ricotta cheese mixed with 1 tbsp wheat germ & 1/4 cup dried pineapple, sweetened with Splenda
• 1 whole wheat hamburger bun
• 16 reduced-fat Wheat Thins
• 1 cup lettuce with 1 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing

I was really not in the mood to cook at all, so I scrolled around for something that had minimal preparation. Suddenly I saw this option that I'd never seen before and was flabberghasted -- I could eat a half cup of ricotta cheese?!? How could I possibly resist?

It became kind of dessert-like, real sweet because of the pineapple. I imagine it would have been much more substantive, for example had I used the cup of fresh strawberries it called for, but I wasn't in that kind of mood (nor did I have the ingredients).

I made a mistake with the breads - it said two slices of whole wheat bread, so I got a roll and the crackers, then later realized the crackers would be a third serving since I'm pretty sure the bun counts as two (as if it were two slices of bread). I reconciled this by eating the rest of my snack without the crackers and was quite pleased.

Lunch, Day Sixty-Eight

• Mexican pizza made with 1/2 cup salsa, 2 oz sliced mushrooms, 2 oz reduced-fat cheddar cheese, 1 tortilla
• 1 cup lettuce with 1 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing(sub for spinach)
• 1/4 cup dried pineapple

We were out of spinach and pitas, but that's okay because I much prefer salsa to tomato sauce (even though I suspect it may not be a perfectly even exchange). I really enjoyed the way the tortilla got so crisp and delicious - these are so tasty!

Breakfast, Day Sixty-Eight

• 2 oz low sodium ham with 2 oz Smart Beat fat-free cheese on 2 slices whole wheat bread
• 1/2 cup skim milk
• 1/4 cup dried pineapple

Ham doesn't last long around here. Man this might be my favorite breakfast right behind peppers and eggs... it's just such a solid and delicious start to the day. I also loved the pineapple - my enthusiasm for dried fruit is intense lately.

Dinner, Day Sixty-Seven

• 2-1/2 oz turkey breast, 1/2 bell pepper, 1/2 onion cooked in 1/3 tbsp olive oil on a flour tortilla with 1 tbsp fat-free sour cream & sprinkle of low-fat cheese
• 1 cup lettuce with 1 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1/4 cup dried papaya

Just about getting sick of ground turkey... this one was tastier than previous ones for some reason, but still, a lot of the same thing. The papaya was delicious though.

Snack, Day Sixty-Seven

• 2 graham crackers
• 2/3 tbsp Smart Balance peanut butter

I didn't really want to spread the peanut butter on the crackers - I wanted both separately, so that's what I did. Quite delicious, and it feels like a treat to eat peanut butter with a spoon!

Lunch, Day Sixty-Seven

• turkey fajita - 2-1/2 oz turkey breast, 1/2 bell pepper, 1/2 onion cooked in 1/3 tbsp olive oil on a flour tortilla with 1 tbsp fat-free sour cream & sprinkle of low-fat cheese
• 1 cup lettuce with 1 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1 apple

Surprisingly, I'm still not sick of these turkey fajitas, though I am glad the ground turkey supply is slowly dwindling.

Breakfast, Day Sixty-Seven

• 1 oz Total with 1/2 oz slivered almonds, 1 tbsp wheat germ, 2 tbsp raisins & 1 cup skim milk

I was exhausted and laying on the couch with my cat. My boyfriend asked if he could make me breakfast and very sweetly prepared this meal, which I dictated from memory. I gotta say there's something very nice about a whole meal fitting in one bowl!

Snack, Day Sixty-Six

• 1 slice whole wheat bread
• 1/2 tbsp Smart Balance peanut butter
• 1/2 tbsp Smuckers sugar-free strawberry preserves

It's funny because I was craving a PB&J sandwich... and then remembered I could make one! I decided not to toast the bread and kind of regretted it, but it was nice to have the jelly stay cold.

Dinner, Day Sixty-Six

• turkey fajita made with 2-1/2 oz turkey breast, 1/2 bell pepper, 1/2 onion cooked in 1/3 tbsp olive oil with garlic powder, onion powder & red pepper on a flour tortilla with 1 tbsp fat-free sour cream & sprinkle of low-fat cheese
• 1 cup lettuce with 1 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1/4 cup dried papaya

As I mentioned, I will be having a lot of these. I usually prefer the flavor of red bell peppers, but these green ones gave a fresh taste that I enjoyed a lot.

Lunch, Day Sixty-Six

• 2-1/2 oz water-packed tuna, 1-1/2 tbsp low-fat mayonnaise, 1/3 tbsp lemon juice, black pepper on 2 slices whole wheat bread, 2 slices veggie cheese
• 2 cups lettuce with 2 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1 apple

This sandwich was quite tasty, and I'm always impressed by this recipe - the fresh tanginess the lemon juice gives never ceases to delight me. It calls for cucumber, to get some more vegetable in, but since I keep forgetting to buy it, I decided to substitute veggie cheese, which gave the sandwich a decided richness and more complex flavor.

Breakfast, Day Sixty-Six

• 1/2 red bell pepper with 2 eggs cooked in 1/3 tbsp olive oil and sprinkled with 1/2 tbsp parmesan cheese
• 16 reduced-fat Wheat Thins
• 2 slices Morningstar Farms vegetarian bacon
• 3/4 cup skim milk
• 1/4 cup dried pineapple
• 2 tsp sugar-free orange-flavored fiber supplement in 8 oz water (to compensate for Wheat Thins)

Man I just love peppers and eggs for breakfast! I absolutely crave this meal and consider it such a treat when I have all the ingredients on hand to have it. I had read carefully on the diet website and realized that they called for Triscuits (not Wheat Thins) because they had fiber, so I had the caloric equivalent in Wheat Thins and then this glass of fiber supplement. It actually served as a pseudo-dessert type thing because by the time I drank it, it had become like the texture of pudding and was, of course, orange-flavored.

I really loved this meal.

Dinner, Day Sixty-Five

• Turkey burger sloppy joe made with 2-1/2 oz ground turkey breast, onion powder, garlic powder, paprika & about 1/4 cup tomato sauce
• 1 whole-wheat hamburger bun
• 1/2 cup corn
• 1 cup lettuce with 1 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1 orange

I love how colorful this meal is! I modified the recipe for the turkey burger meal. It ordinarily would have "healthy fries" made with a potato - I substituted the corn as a starch. I decided I just didn't want a patty, so I changed the burger to the joe, and hopefully did not do too much damage with the tomato sauce (I'm allowed to have a squirt of ketchup, so I figured all's fair).

It was delicious, and I really enjoyed it. Obviously I would have liked even more sauce, but I was trying to keep within the nutritional limits of the ketchup and Worcestshire sauce that I'd ommitted. The corn was fantastic.

Snack, Day Sixty-Five

• 2 chocolate crunch rice cakes with 2/3 tbsp Smart Balance peanut butter

I'm dismayed because these were the last two of these delicious chocolate rice cakes and the stores around here don't seem to be restocking them. Will have to find a new place to buy them because I really enjoy this snack.

Lunch, Day Sixty-Five

• turkey fajita made with 2-1/2 oz ground turkey breast, 1/2 red bell pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, red pepper on 1 flour tortilla with a sprinkle of fat-free mozzarella, 1 tbsp fat-free sour cream
• 1 cup lettuce with 1 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1 orange

We bought a big package of ground turkey, so I've been trying to use it all up before it goes bad. It's a good thing I enjoy these fajitas so much, as I foresee several in my immediate future.

Breakfast, Day Sixty-Five

• 3 Wasa breads with 1 tbsp Smart Balance peanut butter, 2 tsp honey, 1 tbsp wheat germ
• 2 Boca meatless breakfast links
• 1/4 cup dried pineapple

This was a very satisfying and tasty breakfast, as it always is. In some ways I enjoy the time it takes to eat the Wasa breads, since it forces me to sit down and relax... though of course it's not a good option for when I'm in a big hurry.

Dinner, Day Sixty-Four

• 2-1/2 oz lean ground turkey with onion powder, garlic powder & 1/2 tsp Worcestshire sauce
• 1 whole wheat hamburger bun
• 1/2 cup corn
• 1 cup lettuce with 1 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1 orange

Even though I burnt both the burger AND the bun, I thoroughly enjoyed this meal. I was especially pleased to have thought to substitute corn for the potato it called for, as it was fantastic.

It felt really good to have made such smart choices today and not cheated at all, though I'll admit I was tempted to grab a handful of dried pineapple to snack on. I decided to have a sugar-free lollipop (40 calories) instead. I hope these 40 calories don't do me in, but I suspect they will be okay, considering I'm going to start strength training in earnest (here I go rationalizing food again...).

Snack, Day Sixty-Four

• 1 sheet (4) graham crackers
• 2/3 tbsp Smart Balance peanut butter

I read the nutrition facts carefully and discovered that I've been eating about twice as many graham crackers as I should have been, which I suspected previously but was reluctant to check. I felt a lot better making sure I was eating the proper portion size, and it was even more satisfying knowing that I'd saved myself another 60 calories (these things add up!).

Exercise, Day Sixty-Four

• 2 sets of 12 reps (each side) biceps curls with 5 lb dumbells

One of the presentations I'd watched today discussed strategies to overcome a diet plateau (which I think I've reached). Some of the strategies included cutting calories (which I can't do any further), increasing aerobic exercise (which I hesitate because I don't want to be over-tired in these last few days of the semester), and strength training to develop muscle which is more metabolically active than fat.

So I chose developing muscle. Since I'm particularly displeased with my arms, I started there, and I hope to build a strength-training regime in the coming days.

Lunch, Day Sixty-Four

• 2 slices whole wheat bread
• 2-1/2 oz water-packed tuna with 1-1/2 tbsp low-fat mayonnaise, 1/3 tbsp lemon juice & black pepper
• 2 cups lettuce with 2 tbsp fat-free Italian dressing
• 1/2 cup fruit cocktail

I'd never made tuna salad with lemon juice before - this was so tangy and flavorful! I really enjoyed the freshnses of the salad as well.

Breakfast, Day Sixty-Four

• 1 Eggo whole grain waffle with 1 tbsp lite syrup
• 1/2 oz soy nuts
• 2 Morningstar Farms veggie bacon strips
• 1/4 cup dried pineapple
• 3/4 cup vanilla soy milk

Just after weighing in, I was very hungry and wanted a nice, satisfying meal. I remembered liking this one so much in the past, and I was pleased to have all the ingredients on hand.

I was very careful about portions, making sure the servings I used were measured properly and were accurate - for example, the meal plan says "2 servings" of the bacon, by which I think they mean 2 strips, since it is supposed to be 60 calories. Previously I've always interpreted 2 servings to mean 4 strips, which is 120 calories. A small mistake, but in the long run those extra 60 calories add up. I also measured out the 1/4 cup of dried pineapple to make sure I wasn't overestimating.

I thoroughly enjoyed this, though I always find the soy nuts daunting, since they take so much longer to eat than all the rest of the food. I snacked on them while I watched virtual meeting presentations from the diet website.

These presentations were suprisingly eye-opening and made me think a lot about my dieting progress and the psychological stuff going on behind my food choices. One of the particularly useful exercises was an assignment to complete the sentence "I am afraid to be thin because _________" 25 times in writing. I was rather surprised by some of my answers and realize that I really am holding myself back.

I also watched a presentation about perfectionism, which I realize is a huge issue with me. One of the very interesting points is that perfectionists often start out that way very young and their self-esteem develops to be dependent on external approval or admiration. I did another writing exercise listing the consequences of depending on others for my sense of self-worth, as well as examining the ways I seek external approval in my life. Very eye-opening indeed.

Weigh-In Week Ten

189.5. Gained two pounds. Yikes.

I'm aware that hormone fluctuations and fluid retention can effect weight, but I suspect this week is due to a lack of discipline on my part, both in terms of things I added and the meals or portions of meals I skipped.

I tried to lower my caloric intake on my diet, but it won't allow me to go beyond the minimum requirement for women. It seems that the only way I will have success now is with serious rigor in sticking exactly to the meal plan, and, quite obviously, exercise, which I've been avoiding for nine weeks.

I've been putting it off until the end of the semester because I don't want to suddenly find myself wiped out and overtired as I usually am at the beginning of a new exercise regimen... but when I think about how much progress I could have made in this time already, I'm a little sick to my stomach.

Really, with the ups and downs, I'm still hovering around the same point (190) and this really isn't good progress.


Weight Loss This Week: gained 2 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 12.5 pounds

Dinner, Day Sixty-Three

skipped.

I'd eaten "lunch" so late in the day that I didn't have the energy or inclination to prepare another meal.

I did, however, snack on about 1/4 cup dried papaya, so I'll probably find I've gained weight from unmitigated sugar and carbs without protein or roughage to balance things out.

This has been a pretty rough week, and I guess my eating is showing it.

Lunch, Day Sixty-Three

• 2-1/2 oz turkey breast mixed with garlic powder, onion powder & 1/2 tsp Worcestshire sauce on a whole wheat bun
• a whole lot of asparagus
• 1 orange

When I woke up, I still felt awful and as hungry as when I'd come home, so I decided to prepare a balanced meal by the plan. The asparagus was meant to substitute for 2 cups salad, but I think I went a little overboard, having split the package 70-30 with my boyfriend and not bothering to measure. I feel like extra vegetables (as long as they're not too starchy) probably aren't a bad thing, and I do so love asparagus.

I skipped the healthy fries (or starch) I should have had, reasoning that the extra bread in my snack made up for it.

It felt really good to eat something reasonably healthy, especially the asparagus. I prepared a turkey burger and asparagus for my boyfriend too and found it quite pleasant for us to be eating the same food for once. I've been thinking about which meals (or components of them) I could prepare for him too, as somehow that makes it feel less lonely eating my diet food while he makes delicious dishes of his own creation (or, to drive the stake through my heart, goes out to Burger King and eats several bunless bacon double cheeseburgers!). It's a challenge living with someone on such a different diet plan, though I'm sure it's just as much of a challenge for him not being able to eat the breads and fruit which I enjoy every day.

Snack, Day Sixty-Three

• 1 whole wheat roll with 2 oz turkey breast

This was a kind of riff on the usual turkey half-sandwich I might have been allowed to eat. I feel piggish because by the time I got home from class and an afternoon commitment, I was so hungry that I wanted to order a pizza. I saw the rolls on top of the fridge and slapped on the rest of the turkey we had without even weighing it. It's a wonder I got around to taking this photo before shoving it down my throat...

It's not good to let myself get so hungry because accompanying it was an awful, overly-vulnerable mood, an intense headache and dizziness, and the feeling like I was going to break down and cry at any moment. Of course I realize that a lot of this is caused by hormones combined with a very very bad day (literally nothing went right) - and in fact, it's possible that hormones are contributing to so much appetite - but that's all the more reason to stick with a steady caloric input and make sure I have the proper nutrition.

I fell asleep right after eating this, which made me feel even more foolish once I woke up since I was just fueling the fat while I slept.

Breakfast, Day Sixty-Three

• 2 slices whole wheat bread with 1 oz low-sodium ham and 2 oz Smart Beat fat-free cheese
• 1/2 cup skim milk
• 1/2 cup fruit cocktail

I overslept for my morning class and had to run out the door without eating anything, so I was feeling pretty lousy. I prepared this meal while rushing around on my lunch break, still feeling awful from last night (my stomach having finally settled down around 6am when I took a bunch of antacids).

I found myself ravenously hungry (like light-headedly so) all afternoon, wondering if my stomach was going to start growling even. Usually I don't feel terribly hungry between meals, but I realize that while I may have loaded myself up on calories yesterday, I didn't get a good foundation of nutrition and things like a salad with dinner or eating breakfast in the morning would have helped with that.

Dinner, Day Sixty-Two

• Lean Cuisine Fettucini Alfredo

As a continuation of the neverending snacking going on, I prepared this Lean Cuisine, which was surprisingly tasty. It did help settle my stomach a bit as well, but I was dumb again and didn't make a salad or fruit (figuring I'd had plenty of dried fruit earlier).

I've gotten pretty lax as far as not beating myself up if things do go exactly as planned. Maybe my casual attitude is to do with being on good terms with my boyfriend again or having had a really nice day - either way, the only thing that was upsetting me this evening was continued awful effects of unwise snack decisions...

Snack, Day Sixty-Two

(not pictured)
• several handfuls of reduced-fat Wheat Thins
• about 1/2 cup combined of dried pineapple and dried papaya
• 1/2 bag sugar-free gummy bears
• several scoops of salsa
• several pieces of pepperoni

I'd gone to the store to get food for both myself and my boyfriend, which of course meant vicariously treating myself by buying packages of hot sausage, beef, and whatever other fatty meat things I could find for him.

I also picked up some sugar-free gummy bears which we KNOW have a stomach-upsetting effect (kind of like a severe laxative) if you eat them in large quantities. Of course, we had no self-control, so combined with the dried fruit, we ended up splitting the whole bag and getting awful stomach-aches, gas, and eventually umm... that massive laxative effect. It was quite gross, and even laughing about "Why the hell did we buy laxative bears again?!" didn't alleviate feeling sick all night.

I feel pretty foolish for letting myself pig out so badly, though I do realize it could have been worse. But still.

Lunch, Day Sixty-Two

• 1 flour tortilla
• 1/4 cup spinach
• 1/4 cup salsa
• 2 oz low-fat cheese (blend of cheddar, jack & mozzarella
• 2 oz sliced mushrooms
• 1 orange

I'd so much enjoyed my Mexican pizza yesterday that I decided to recreate it, but this time we'd run out of whole-wheat pitas, and the store didn't have any pitas at all, which (again) annoyed me.

I substituted a flour tortilla instead, which fit with the ingredients better anyway and got deliciously crunchy on the edges where it wasn't covered.

I've discovered a dangerous love of salsa which found me scooping extra-spoonfuls while waiting for this pizza to cook - I probably had at least another 1/4 cup just in snacking (whoops). Often I think the ideal meal would be a giant plateful of nachos with ground beef, melted cheese, vegetables, and tons of salsa.

Sometimes I make promises to myself about the things I'm going to allow myself to eat once I lose all this weight (not all the time, just a one-off treat), and in addition to a thin-crust chicken and mushroom pizza made with pesto instead of sauce, I often find myself adding a giant plate of nachos to the list. I don't know if fantasizing about future pig-outs is a totally unhealthy way to displace cravings for my favorite foods, but at least I'm not letting myself indulge now.

Breakfast, Day Sixty-Two

• 2 slices whole wheat bread with 1 oz low-sodium ham, 2 oz Smart Beat fat-free cheese, 1 tbsp low-fat mayonnaise
• 1 apple
• 1/2 cup skim milk

I love these ham sandwiches so much it's a little absurd. I almost forgot about the milk (it's easy to do when it's really just a quick swallow). My boyfriend suggested I include the big glass of Diet Sunkist which I was actually going to be drinking with my meal.

Things are going much much better between the two of us, having had a few more good and productive talks. It's really nice to know we're back on the same side again. I also do find it easier to stick with my diet when my emotional life is on a more even course.

Dinner, Day Sixty-One

• Lean Cuisine Spaghetti with Meatballs

This dish was absolutely delicious, and I thoroughly enjoyed it - even the sauce was fantastic, which means a lot coming from a sauce enthusiast like me. I was too lazy to put together salad and fruit or whatever else was supposed to go with it, and while I meant to get around to it later on, I ended up continuing with my work and going to bed.

Snack, Day Sixty-One

skipped.

I got wrapped up working and wasn't terribly hungry, plus I wasn't in the mood for looking through the cupboards seeing what kind of snack I could make.

Lunch, Day Sixty-One

• 1 whole wheat pita bread
• 1/4 cup spinach
• 1/4 cup salsa
• 2 oz low-fat cheese
• 2 oz sliced mushrooms
• 1 orange

We were out of mozzarella, so I decided to try to give the spinach-mushroom pizza I've been enjoying so much a kind of Mexican flair by using salsa in place of tomato sauce and a cheddar-jack blend of cheese. I also included some red pepper with the garlic powder I ordinarily sprinkle in, which gave it a delicious kick.

Breakfast, Day Sixty-One

• 1/2 green bell pepper scrambled with 2 eggs, topped with 1/2 tsp parmesan cheese and cracked pepper
• 2 Boca meatless breakfast links
• approx. 13 reduced-fat Wheat Thins
• 1 apple
• 3/4 cup skim milk

Even though this is essentially the same meal as when I mess up omelettes, calling it "Peppers and Eggs" was an instant hook.

The crackers were a bit confusing, seeing as a piece of toast might have made more sense, but I was able to give the eggs their much-needed salt by scooping them up with the salty crackers - what a great combination of texture and taste!

Dinner, Day Sixty

• beef tostada made with 2-1/2 oz lean ground beef, 1/4 cup tomato sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, 1/2 cup lettuce, 1/2 medium tomato, 1/2 oz veggie cheese & 1 tbsp salsa on a flour tortilla
• 1 apple

Have I mentioned I'm on a beef kick? This tostada has always been one of my favorites, so I was excited to prepare it... though to be honest, I also would have been happy to have had another hamburger. I don't know why I've been craving beef, but it's making my body happy, so I'm gonna keep giving it what it wants.