New Year, New Resolve

A lot of things have changed since the last time I wrote, mostly for the better.

After four years, my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a destructive relationship, and I know I am much better off now that I am out of it. A lot of my bad eating habits, depression, lousy attitude, and sense of defeat were coming from that situation, and I'm relieved to live in a much healthier place now.

I moved twice, once with my boyfriend, and then back into my parents' house. They are paying for food and most of my living expenses now, which is definitely a regressive step, but also a very helpful one while I finish grad school.

I started exercising, first joining a pool and swimming several times a week. Currently I swim about 2000 meters five times a week. I also just added running to the mix. The first time I ran a breezy 2.5 miles, hobbled around for a few days and struggled through walking the same distance, then got up to 3 miles this week. I plan to continue both, as they are becoming important stress relievers.

Probably because I'm living at home again, I think a lot about my younger self, when I was athletic and health-conscious. I had a really nice body, and I was fitter than most people I knew. I realize that that body was not just built on youth, but on running, swimming, dance, and being generally active, and I'm encouraged that I can have that kind of health and fitness again if I just stick with what I'm doing.

As the new year approaches, I'm not really concentrating on losing weight, since I'm sure that will happen. I haven't weighed myself in a few days, but I've lost about 20 pounds since September and have reason to believe that number will keep going down as I exercise more. Instead, I am focusing on becoming fit, especially the discipline and self-possession that comes with an exercise regime.

I will check in more often with progress and notes on what works. I may also talk about some of the emotional stuff that I now realize was sabotaging everything I was doing.