Day Twenty

Wednesdays are usually the days where I blow the diet, so I went about my day somewhat cautiously.

Breakfast

• ham & cheese on whole wheat bread with mustard
• skim milk
• raisins

This really is a nearly perfect breakfast, and I enjoyed it immensely. My boyfriend teased me because I usually skip past the heel ends of a loaf of bread and go straight for normal slices, so this time I made a sandwich starting at the beginning of the loaf - it was surprisingly good.

Lunch

• Weight Watchers Smart Ones beef with Asian vegetables
• fresh herb salad with lite creamy Parmesan dressing
• sliced kiwi

I ate this meal in two parts: the frozen lunch before class, the salad and fruit after. Everything about it was perfection.

The beef was tender and flavorful, the vegetables crisp and in a nice proportion, the sauce really quite spectacular - I couldn't believe this was diet food! I enjoyed this more than I usually enjoy take-out from our local Chinese place, and I wondered if I could come up with a similar recipe - yum!

The salad is a funny situation. Last week the grocery was out of our usual brand, so my boyfriend picked up some other "organic fresh herb salad." I didn't think it would make a difference, but blech. That other package had bits of rotten lettuce mixed in, and what was fresh was still flavorless and bland. The store finally got back our preferred kind - Earthbound Farm - and I was so happy to find a package of it in the fridge when I got home! I've concluded that this particular blend is probably my favorite salad of all-time, and I hope they never run out again.

Snack

• Smart Balance peanut butter and Polaner sugar-free strawberry preserves on a whole wheat roll

I made this little sandwich just after my lunch meal, and my goodness, it was heavenly. My boyfriend has been making little snacks of graham crackers with peanut butter and jelly spread on top, and I've been coveting them mightily - I scoured the snack options, certain I'd remembered some kind of peanut butter and jelly, and voila, there it was. Delicious!

Dinner

• Gardenburger with barbecue sauce on whole wheat roll
• fresh herb salad with diced cucumber and lite creamy Parmesan dressing
• skim milk
• sliced kiwi

When I was looking for my PBJ snack, I reread the actual ingredients that this meal calls for and realized I've been forgetting the milk all along! I really love milk, so I was glad to make this discovery.

Unfortunately I lost my mind a little while cooking this and put the Gardenburger in the microwave for 4 minutes, turning it into a dried-out hockey puck. Strangely it still tasted okay, but the mouth feel was terrible - I'd snap a bite off with my teeth and then it would crumble up in the barbecue sauce. Blech.

I was really happy I made it through a Wednesday sticking on my diet. It gives me hope that even with days as lousy as this past Tuesday, I can maintain self-control and restraint. This week I've also come to see how helpful it is to prepare a large portion of one or two meals ahead that I can reheat through the week - a good strategy and it definitely helps diminish thoughts like "might as well order take-out."

Day Nineteen

Today was tough because I got about 2 hours of sleep on the outside, and I had a hard time keeping my eyes open most of the morning. I had to travel into Manhattan for class today, which added time on both ends of my morning class and generally added to my over-tiredness and stress.

Breakfast

• ham & cheese sandwich
• skim milk
• raisins

I woke up with just enough time to get ready and get on the subway. I could have made time for breakfast, but I was so tired I was feeling almost nauseous so I didn't bother. Consequently I was hungry AND tired all morning, which made me more than a bit cranky. I considered buying breakfast on the street, but I didn't really think it would be worth blowing my diet or my schedule, so I waited.

When I did finally get to have breakfast, I practically shoved it in my mouth, so tired I could barely even taste things.

Lunch

• Lean Cuisine meatloaf and mashed potatoes

On the way from the subway home, I was in a rush and stopped at the grocery to pick up some frozen lunches that I could quickly heat. I have no idea which ones are acceptable on my meal plan or not, nor can I figure out the logic of what to combine with them. I'll have to take some time to sort that out, maybe on the weekend.

This lunch was surprisingly bland, anemic in flavor and really quite awful. I was so disappointed because I was really looking forward to hearty, flavorful food and found this soggy and just, lousy. It's entirely possible that my mood, the wet weather, and the impending stressful afternoon contributed to my lack of enjoyment, but something was definitely off.

Snack

• packet of Wheat Thins (not pictured)

After class I went back to my studio to work more, and to put off coming home I grabbed some Wheat Thins from the vending machine. They were incredibly delicious and sustained me for a surprisingly long time, so I was very happy.

Dinner

• very small portion of three-cheese tortellini in garlic butter (not pictured)
• turkey and cheese on a whole-wheat roll (not pictured)

I got home close to midnight, having not slept for longer than I could calculate. The grocery store was already closed, and my boyfriend had made tortellini in garlic butter. There was a tiny portion left, probably like 14 tortellinis total, and though I didn't mean to eat that as my meal, one bite turned into eating the rest of it straight from the cooking pot. I kept myself mostly in control, having only a modest turkey sandwich after that, and though I should have had some salad or fruit, I just crashed out and went to much-needed sleep.

Day Eighteen

Today was a rather exhausting day, as I had not gotten a ton of sleep, had several hours of classes, and then needed to work in my studio almost all night (I got home at 5:30 the next morning).

Breakfast

• Total with almonds, raisins & skim milk
• low-fat cottage cheese

Having eaten yesterday's dinner meal very early this morning, I waited until later in the morning to have my real breakfast. This was good, though I still found myself hungry by the time I got home in the evening.

Snack

• chocolate rice cakes with Smart Balance peanut butter

I was starved when I first got home, but to stave off pigging out, I had my snack right away - what a relief. I love peanut butter and chocolate, and this was intensely wonderful!

Lunch

• whole wheat fusili with tofu, peppers, tomatoes, spices, and ricotta cheese
• salad with carrots and lite creamy Parmesan dressing
• raisins

I had this almost immediately after my snack, but with the edge taken off of my ferocious hunger I found I was able to take my time and enjoy it a lot more. I'm usually a very slow eater, but occasionally when I am very hungry, I'll eat meals at what would probably be considered a normal pace, and then I miss the savoring and pleasure I usually have with food.

I didn't want to shred the carrots, and so instead I dipped them in the dressing before eating the rest of the salad, which was ultimately a lot more satisfying.

This was the last serving I had of this pasta that I'd prepared last week, and I was very pleased with what a success it was. My first thought was to buy ingredients and immediately make more, but I thought I should put that off and concentrate on my work for a while.

Dinner

• beef and pepper sautée with rice pilaf

Once again, I had my dinner very very early in the morning, when I got home at 5:30. My stomach had been growling while I was working and it was very tempting to go cobble something together out of vending machine food, but I was glad I waited to have something healthy and on the meal plan.

I didn't have the fruit that went with this meal - I had all intentions to but I ended up falling asleep before I decided what I wanted.

Day Seventeen

I had a lot of work to do for class on Monday, and I was not feeling spectacular. I put off going to the grocery until the evening, and because I slept in so late, I got a very weird start to my day.

Breakfast

• low-fat Muesli cereal with almonds, raisins & skim milk
• low-fat cottage cheese

I wasn't sure if adding the almonds and raisins was overkill, considering there were dried fruits and nuts already in the Muesli, but I went for it anyway. It was incredibly delicious, but I don't think I could get away with doing this every day.

Lunch

• Gardenburger on whole wheat bun with barbecue sauce
• fresh herb salad with diced cucumber and lite creamy Parmesan dressing
• sliced kiwi

This is a pretty easy, pretty reliably delicious meal. My boyfriend had one with cheese in addition, and the bite I sampled was really good. I ate this closer to a traditional dinner time, and I actually wasn't hungry for most of the evening while I did work.

Snack

• half cheese sandwich on toasted whole wheat with mustard

Exactly what I needed for a late-night perk-up. I can't explain why I think mustard and cheese go so well together, but wow, delicious.

Dinner

• beef and pepper sautée with rice pilaf
• raisins

I actually didn't have this meal until very early the next morning, having got into a huge fight with my boyfriend, staying up late upset, writing a paper, deliriously sleeping for a while, and then scarfing this down first thing. While a strangely solid start to the day, I think the amount of garlic stayed with me all morning... it occurred to me that with how much of it I eat, I must smell constantly of garlic.

Day Sixteen

So here begins a week of seriously committing to the diet and getting my act together.

Breakfast

• whole grain Total with almonds, raisins & skim milk
• cottage cheese

Simple, easy, and pretty tasty. I like using raisins as my fruit because they really perk up the cereal and go so well with almonds.

I'm still baffled by the proportions of cereal (3/4 cup) to milk (1 cup), but I'm sure there is some logic to it. I also wonder why the high fiber plan doesn't call for wheat germ the way the heart healthy one did.

Lunch

• whole wheat fusili with tofu, green peppers, tomatoes, green onion, spices, and low-fat ricotta cheese
• fresh herb salad with shredded carrots and lite creamy Parmesan dressing
• green grapes

I'd forgotten to include the salad with yesterday's meal, but found it was a nice addition today. Shredding carrots is a real pain in the neck though!

This was quite tasty and I was glad I could just reheat it to make a quick meal.

Snack

• reduced fat Triscuits
• hummus masbacha
• baby carrots

Perfect snack. So damn good. My boyfriend loves this too, and I like that he eats healthy by proxy whenever I bring the hummus and carrots out.

Dinner

• beef & pepper saute
• rice pilaf
• raisins

Oh my goodness this was fantastic! Refrigerating it gave the flavors time to blend even more, and the rice took on an even creamier texture. Honestly, I think I would prefer this to pizza if I weren't on a diet, and that's saying a LOT.

One of the reasons I wanted to do a recipe-based diet in the first place was to develop a repertoire of healthy meals that I can prepare quickly, something that will come in handy when I have children and a family to feed. This one will definitely go into that set.

Third Weigh-In

184.5. Down 2 pounds from last week, back to the same as the first week. I have a feeling this is all water, but at least it's going in the right direction.

My BMI is 31.78. Still obese. Yeah.

I've changed the title of this blog to "A Healthier V," since I'm trying to take a holistic approach toward health and well-being.

I'm also extending this approach into my environment, making serious efforts toward cleaning and organizing my apartment. I think that a cleaner home will make for a fitter mind and it will definitely make it easier to cook, exercise, and work on my other projects without feeling constantly stymied.

This coming week, I need to think ahead and keep myself under control. No ordering out, no random "I'm off the diet" days. I just need to do my work and eat the food I'm supposed to.

Of course it figures that we're meeting up with my boyfriend's mother tomorrow, and we always eat something decadent when we see her. I'll have to really exercise some discipline and smart thinking.

Day Fifteen

Today I decided that without fail, I would stay on the diet all day and do everything in my power to get my act together.

Breakfast

• Mediterranean tuna on toast with sliced tomato
• cantaloupe

We didn't have a lot of ingredients on hand and we argued about whose turn it was to go to the grocery.

I rummaged the cupboards and decided I should try a meal I wouldn't ordinarily go for. Sadly, this didn't meet expectations. "Mediterranean" apparently just means tuna mixed with olive oil. I added some salt and pepper to keep myself from shuddering, but uff, it was nasty. At least the tomatoes were flavorful, but I felt like I was choking down the rest.

Snack

• reduced fat Triscuits
• baby carrots
• hummus Masbacha

This is one of my favorite snacks, and I can't imagine ever getting sick of it. Yum.

Lunch

• beef and pepper sauté
• rice pilaf
• honey tangerine

Since I woke up late, I actually made this meal fairly late in the day (having eventually succumbed and gone to the grocery myself). I made several servings because this is a rather preparation-intense meal.

Both my boyfriend and I absolutely loved this. It was insanely good and so flavorful. The pilaf was made with garlic, onions, mushrooms, parsley, chicken broth, and white rice. I finally got the recipe right and it was tender, moist, and just perfect. I enjoyed it so much that I would make this for friends, if we ever entertained.

I'm glad I have several servings left!

Dinner

• whole wheat fusili with garlic, tofu, green pepper, tomatoes, green onions, spices, and low-fat ricotta cheese
• green grapes

I've made this recipe before, but never enjoyed it so much. The scallions were in my fridge threatening to go bad, so I figured they might add a nice kick. Because so many of these ingredients had fairly bland natural flavors, I added salt, black pepper, red pepper, oregano, basil, and parsley. All of that gave it a nice zing.

I made several batches of this meal as well, which I'm hoping to do more frequently so that I don't have to cook so much every day. Now I'm actually looking forward to eating the leftovers!

I am really happy I made it the whole day sticking on the plan. I don't even dare hope tomorrow's weigh-in will go well, but at least I can start improving from here forward.

Day Fourteen

Chagrined after last night's fat-fest, I wanted to do better but mostly kept on eating terribly.

I didn't take photos of any of the food and sort of declared that I was off the diet for the day.

Afternoon

• the second half of yesterday's salad (not pictured)
• Triscuits and hummus (not pictured)
• beef soft taco with cheese and jalapeños (not pictured)
• chocolate rice cakes with peanut butter (not pictured)

I was kind of grazing. Again, I'm glad that we only have reasonably healthy foods in the apartment.

Evening

• Philly cheese steak with onions, peppers, and ketchup (not pictured)
• French fries (not pictured)

My boyfriend and I went out for the evening and didn't get home until very late. We stopped at what we call "the fried place," a chicken and fast food joint on our way home from the subway. I probably could have done worse, but it was a very big sandwich and I'm sure the fries were a bad idea.

Day Thirteen

Breakfast

• peppers & eggs with black pepper and Parmesan cheese
• reduced-fat Triscuits
• vegetarian bacon
• skim milk
• sliced kiwi

This is one of my favorite breakfasts, and I took my time preparing and enjoying it. What a pleasure.

Lunch

• ham & cheese sandwich with mustard
• herb salad with chopped green pepper, cucumber, tomatoes, and fat-free Italian dressing
• green grapes

This lunch was delicious, though I could only eat half of the salad in this sitting. Too much produce or something. I ate relatively late in the day so that I wouldn't be hungry after my evening class.

Dinner

• half an order of cheese sticks with tomato and garlic butter dipping sauces (not pictured)
• half of a large thin-crust Papa John's pizza with sausage, mushrooms, and green peppers (not pictured)

On my way to class I found someone had smashed one of my windows and broken into my car. I was in a terrible mood, so when I got home, angrily, I ordered what has apparently become our regular binge meal.

Wednesdays are hard anyway because I get home so late and have usually run out of groceries by this point in the week, but add some emotional distress, and I'm game for pigging out like no one's business.

I guess my penance will be continuing to be fat and unhealthy.

While we were waiting for the pizza to be delivered, my boyfriend and I watched Super Size Me and talked about how out of control and ridiculous we are.

Day Twelve

Today was a long day.

Breakfast

• whole grain Total with almonds and skim milk (not pictured)
• low-fat cottage cheese (not pictured)

I shoveled the cereal in my face while I was frantically getting ready. I had the cottage cheese straight out of the container when I got home.

Lunch

• tuna salad with lettuce on a spinach wrap
• pineapple chunks

I bought lunch at school between classes because I had work to do and couldn't afford the time it would take to go home and make food. Thankfully, I made decent decisions which actually fit in with one of the meals on the plan. The water was sugar-free strawberry flavored and vitamin enriched Dasani, and it was fantastic.

Dinner

• beef soft taco
• fresh herb salad with lite creamy Parmesan dressing
• green grapes

I was proud of myself for eating a healthy lunch, and I enjoyed this dinner as well. I find when I eat meals at the proper times I don't get so starved by the time I get home.

Snack

• chocolate rice cakes with peanut butter
• prunes

These rice cakes are some kind of heaven. This served as a spectacular dessert.

The prunes are because I realized I hadn't had fruit with breakfast, so I supplemented at the end of the day. I'm sure that's fine.

I was pleased that I stayed on the diet all day today. I felt good for it.

Day Eleven

I pulled an all-nighter getting my work done, then grabbed a few hours of sleep in the mid-morning.

Breakfast

• ham & cheese sandwich
• skim milk (not pictured)
• small apple

Good start, and a tasty meal. The apple was surprisingly sweet and tasty. I don't usually buy apples this time of year since they tend to be so mealy and tasteless, but this one was included with the soup yesterday so I went for it. Glad I did.

Lunch

• beef tacos with pickled jalapeños and fresh cilantro
• mashed carrots
• honey tangerine

The taco filling was leftover from last night and quite delicious. Sometimes I think I could eat tacos everyday.

The carrots were a hassle, as I decided I didn't just want them steamed, but mashed. I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend over the food processor and nonsensical things, and I'm sure it was because I was over-tired and cranky. Perhaps that also contributed to my lack of enjoyment with the carrots.

Snack

• chocolate rice cakes with peanut butter (not pictured)

Dinner

• beef tacos with pickled jalapeños and fresh cilantro

Can't mess with perfection. I omitted the salad and fruit I was supposed to have with it. I was just too tired.

Day Ten

I considered myself "off the diet" today. I had an obscene amount of work to do and my boyfriend's brother was staying over.

We made beef tacos, and though I intended to follow the recipe from the meal plan, I definitely went for the ultra-deluxe version (with beans, sour cream, cheese etc) instead. And several.

I also had chocolate-covered peanuts, lots of hummus and crackers, and some other grazings around the kitchen.

Day Nine

Last day of the conference, and I went in a little late, so I was able to take my time getting ready. Much better.

Breakfast

• cereal with almonds and skim milk
• low-fat cottage cheese
• cantaloupe

This was a delicious breakfast, but I was starved by 2:30pm. I guess that's a normal lunchtime, but it was pretty brutal. I neglected to pack lunch or a snack to take with me, so by the time I got out for lunch, I was beyond famished.

Lunch

• bowl of crab bisque
• three cheese rosemary panini

It was about 6:00 by the time I got lunch, and I'd been hungry for hours. I originally intended to eat only half of this meal that I got in Manhattan, but it was way delicious and I had a lapse of judgment. The thing is, I'm allowed to have fast food on my diet, just in very limited quantities. A bowl of bisque is not the same as a cup of vegetable, and a whole cheese-filled panini is not the same as a dinner roll. Sigh.

Dinner

Bad news. Lost my mind. My boyfriend and I ordered Papa John's, and I guess I should admit we were more than a bit intoxicated in making this decision. I deluded myself by thinking I would still follow the diet by looking up how much pizza I was allowed to have: 1 thin-crust sausage slice and one bread stick with tomato dipping sauce. Instead I had half of an order of cheese sticks (really quite a huge amount of food by itself) and half of a thin-crust sausage, mushroom & pepper pizza (pictured).

Initially I stopped after two slices, thinking I'd had way more than double the serving, but could still keep it together. But nope, later on I had the rest.

Talk about progress right?

Second Weigh-In

186.5. Uff. That's up two full pounds from last week.

I think that I must have some premenstrual issues going on, as my bra doesn't even fit this week, but this much water retention is not likely.

Curry, sundaes, chocolates... probably not the best way to dieting success.

I can't believe I've only been on this diet two weeks. I've done pretty terribly, and it already feels like forever.

Day Eight

After last night's binge I got up cranky and annoyed. I didn't go to the conference today, and I was in a terrible mood after sleeping really late but not waking rested.

Lunch

• turkey fajita
• salad with lite creamy Parmesan dressing
• honey tangerine

I had lunch first, reheating more turkey fajita stuff, this time in a whole wheat wrap. The tangerine was good but they leak juice all over the place.

Breakfast

• ham & cheese sandwich
• skim milk (not pictured)
• honey tangerine

Later on, I had the breakfast meal, which was quite tasty, but again, leaky.

Snack

• Wheat Thins & hummus masbacha (not pictured)

I had much more than the serving size for these. I don't know, I just don't really want to eat anything but this lately.

Dinner
Skipped. I was still feeling a little guilty about all the chocolates and knew I'll be weighing in in the morning.

Day Seven

I had the conference again all day today, which involved a long commute and a bit of exhaustion.

Breakfast

• ham & cheese sandwich
• skim milk (not pictured)
• cantaloupe

This was quite tasty and satisfying. I was able to go a lot longer than I did on yesterday's breakfast.

Lunch

• ham & cheese sandwich

I didn't have the salad or fruit that was meant to go with this meal because I only had room in my bag to pack the sandwich, which I wolfed down between portions of the conference.

I sort of killed the rest of the day by buying my boyfriend two boxes of half-price Valentine's chocolates... cause nothing says "I love you" like copious amounts of fat and sugar.

Snack

• Wheat Thins & hummus masbacha (not pictured)

I was trying to stave off eating chocolates, but did not last long.

Rest of the Day
Predictably, I split all the chocolates with my boyfriend, then spent the rest of the night snacking on more crackers and hummus, graham crackers, rice cakes, and God knows what else. At least I had mostly healthy food around, so I couldn't do too much damage, but still.

Day Six

Today was complicated, as I had a conference all day, evening class, and it was Valentine's Day.

Breakfast

• cottage cheese & wheat germ on toast
• skim milk
• green grapes

This was a pretty good, fast breakfast. It was still dark out while I was getting ready, so I was a little cranky. Because I ate very early, it didn't really sustain me through lunchtime, and I was quite hungry by the time I got home.

Lunch

• turkey fajita with fresh cilantro
• herb salad with lite Parmesan dressing
• cantaloupe

This was delicious and very satisfying after I was so hungry. When I got home in the afternoon my boyfriend said he wanted to cook a special Valentine's dinner for me, so I decided not to have a snack.

Dinner

• chicken curry over rice
• white beer
• cherry fudge truffle ice cream with whipped cream (not pictured)

He tried to keep things relatively low-cal, making really spicy curry without too much fat. It was incredibly delicious and I tried to just eat a small portion, though I did not hesitate to wolf down the sundaes. Ah well, I enjoyed myself, and that counts for something.

Day Five

This morning was difficult because I overslept and had an early class. It was very tempting to say heck with the diet and just grab a stack of graham crackers. Luckily my boyfriend made me cereal while I was in the shower, and I was able to start off on the right track throughout an otherwise pretty busy day.

Breakfast

• whole grain Total with skim milk (not pictured)
• almonds
• low-fat cottage cheese (not pictured)
• green grapes

I only had cereal before class, so by the time I got home at 1, I was feeling really hungry. I ate the cottage cheese out of the container with a spoon (heh, sorry no photo), but once that crazy initial wave of hunger was sated, I took my time munching the almonds and grapes while I did some work.

Lunch

• Asian beef with broccoli, garlic & yellow peppers in teriyaki sauce over white rice
• fresh herb salad with creamy Parmesan dressing
• sliced kiwi

This was a second portion of last night's dinner that I'd prepared knowing I wouldn't have time to cook lunch today. The peppers were vastly better reheated - so much softer and more flavorful. As with my breakfast, my lunch was also piecemeal (ha) - I ate the beef dish around 1:30 but didn't get to the salad and fruit until 8pm. While I had a lot of appetite when I got back, I didn't feel quite so famished as I had in the morning.

Snack

• reduced-fat Triscuits with spicy hummus
• baby carrots

This is a fast favorite around here - now that my boyfriend has discovered the joy of the spicy hummus, it's a bit tricky keeping it in supply.

Dinner

• fajita made with ground turkey breast, onions, garlic, yellow pepper, pickled jalapeños, salsa, low-fat cheese in a flour tortilla with fresh cilantro on top
• fresh herb salad with creamy Parmesan dressing
• sliced kiwi

My boyfriend helped cook this meal and it was absolutely fantastic. The jalapeños gave it an awesome kick, and the flavors melded beautifully.

I've enjoyed cooking some of these dinners for both of us - it makes it much easier to stick to the diet when we're eating the same thing, together. He modifies the dishes obviously and has other things during the rest of the day, but it's very nice to enjoy dinners together when we can.

I just realized that I've been on the diet almost a week already. It's really been quite painless. I only exercised once (so far), though even if I don't immediately drop the poundage it feels good to be back to getting balanced nutrition and working toward a healthy lifestyle. I have a good feeling about this time.